Crypto news

“A surprise to see them as a latecomer,” quipped Bryan Armour, a sage of the financial cosmos, “yet they aim to differentiate themselves, a feat as challenging as teaching a cat to fetch.” 🐱

Numbers from our cutting-edge newsmongers at crypto.news indicate that BNB has withered by some 8% over the preceding week, and alas, by a full 20.7% since its most glorious triumph in late October of yesteryear. One finds the token in the humbled sum of $1,087, having risen a trivial yet charming 2% post its triumphant listing upon these stately exchanges-a veritable aquiver with possibilities.

Without continued investment in the latest machines, a miner’s share of the global hashrate deteriorates, resulting in a reduced share of the daily awarded Bitcoin (BTC). One might say it’s a race to the bottom, or perhaps just a very expensive sprint. 🏃‍♂️💥

He was having a chat with this cryptocurrency influencer – a “@notthreadguy” which sounds like a rejected Twitter handle – and apparently confessed he wasn’t wrong about the impending doom. He just… underestimated how easily people would fall for it all. Honestly! The gullibility! It’s almost impressive. He actually said he underestimated our gullibility. Seriously?

The YouGov survey, that digital oracle of trends, interrogated 3,009 souls and unearthed a truth as plain as a kangaroo’s kick: nearly half of the under-35s missed the crypto train. Hardly surprising, given the alternative was buying property or Big Tech shares. But who needs shelter or innovation when you can daydream about $400 Bitcoin? 😂

In an audacious post on the social media platform X (a name that might have been coined with less creativity), Steph graciously shared “The $XRP playbook” which suggests that we are, once again, witnessing an accumulation phase quite reminiscent of that which heralded the mighty breakout of 2017. The very idea! The technical analysis (which we shall trust, as we trust our most dependable confidantes) suggests that XRP’s current consolidation near the $2 mark could be but the calm before the storm. If history repeats itself, an explosive rally might be waiting just beyond the horizon. But let us not get ahead of ourselves, dear reader, as the story is far from finished.

The ESR plunges to abysmal 2022 depths (0.03), a omen of dwindling short-term supplies and resolute hoarding, that ancient song preceding BTC’s grand recoveries. 📉😂

“Ah, yes,” chuckled one Democratic senator, channeling their inner bureaucratic demon, “these crypto anarchists are clearly Republican plants. After all, who else but GOP goblins would oppose mandatory know-your-customer rules in a sector built on pseudonymity?” Meanwhile, industry reps blinked like stunned owls, wondering if they’d accidentally wandered into a Marx Brothers film-or perhaps a particularly chaotic chapter of The Master and Margarita 🦉🔮

The method? “Quantum echoes,” a technique that involves firing targeted waves at a qubit (the quantum world’s answer to a lightbulb) and listening for the echo. One might imagine it akin to shouting at a wall and claiming victory if it shouts back. 🤖

On Oct. 22, them sleuths at OnchainLens hollered about a coordinated shenanigan from four wallets tied to LuBian, that defunct Chinese mining pool with more skeletons in its closet than a haunted house. 👻 The alert showed two transactions of 4,999 BTC each, alongside 3,424 BTC and 2,535 BTC, all skedaddlin’ to separate hideouts.