Crypto news

These innovative contracts are the answer to a question that has perplexed humanity for ages: How do we trade major crypto assets without the burden of draining our savings into the abyss of speculation? Coinbase, ever the benevolent guardian of our financial whims, delights us with simpler and more cost-effective avenues. After all, who doesn’t dream of dipping their toes in the turbulent waters of cryptocurrency with less capital? 😜

This isn’t your grandma’s textbook pattern—it’s more like a toddler’s finger-paint masterpiece. 🎨 No panic selling, no dramatic liquidation spikes. Just… meandering. Volume is shrinking faster than my hopes for a stable market. 🤯

In the quiet spaces of social media—specifically, a post from Wu Blockchain—there’s talk of a series of token unlocks sweeping over the crypto horizon. The most conspicuous among them being Dogecoin, which is about to add a modest 95.5 million DOGE tokens to its already considerable supply. That’s a mere 0.06% increase, or roughly $22.9 million, if you happen to enjoy counting money as much as watching the tide rise.

They prattle on about a ‘departure’ from the recent cash-only restrictions. A departure! As if they weren’t leading us all on a merry dance to begin with. It’s all a game, you see. A cynical, soul-crushing game played with our hopes and anxieties. And these ‘approved orders’, well, they merely permit this…in-kind business. A small concession, a crumb tossed to the masses.

Под шумок, Трон — будто ларец с сокровищами, собирается поднять $1 миллиард через какое-то там ‘шельфовое предложение’. Ну что сказать, liquidity, как бублик, — всегда в дефиците, а тут вдруг на горизонте блеснул свет даже для тех, кто считал, что TRX — это просто очередной пузырь. Есть желание рискнуть или предпочитаете просто почитать? Тогда парочка слов о краткосрочной драме — читайте, чтоб не попасть в просак. 🕵️‍♂️

The ETF inflows, those shimmering beacons of institutional hope, have taken a rather dramatic tumble. Glassnode reports it – which, let’s be honest, sounds like the name of a particularly dusty antique shop – and it’s not a pretty sight. It’s the sort of decline that makes you question if anyone actually *likes* Bitcoin, or were just doing it because everyone else was. Don’t answer that.

This isn’t just your average IPO; it’s the biggest US offering of 2025 so far—larger than your wildest summer plans. After paying the usual underwriters, some hefty commissions, and various expenses, Strategy is sitting pretty with about $2.47 billion clean cash in hand. What to do? Well, they bought roughly 21,021 Bitcoin at an average price of $117,256—because apparently, they’re slightly overconfident about Bitcoin’s future. As of late July, they own a staggering 628,791 BTC. Yes, that’s a lot of zeros. 📈

The days of anything-goes crypto are over. And honestly, the people watching this space now are a different crowd. In 2025, memes might still get a laugh, but they don’t move markets like they used to. Unless you’re selling a meme coin, in which case, the market is your grandma’s basement. 😂

Irene Gao, the company’s so-called ‘global business executive,’ confirmed they’re planning to spawn their mini Silicon Valley by early 2026. Because nothing says ‘happy mining’ like building a shiny new factory—probably with more air conditioning than actual mining equipment. The goal? Full capacity by the end of the year, which in the world of crypto could mean ‘probably forgot about it by then, but let’s pretend we’re efficient.’

With a price tag of $90 per share, this extravagant soirée marks not just the largest U.S. IPO of 2025 but also a cryptographic carnival that has entranced unwitting spectators. Oh, how the Nasdaq Global Select Market awaits the grandeur of STRC trading — expected to kick off around July 30, 2025! Bet they’ve got a confetti cannon ready for that occasion! 🎉