Crypto news

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But this, dear reader, is but the prelude to a grander spectacle. The stage is set for a veritable tempest of speculation, fueled by a confluence of catalysts that would make even the most jaded investor reconsider their position. One can only hope their nerves are as robust as their portfolios. 🌪️📈

Apparently, Paxos’ success is entirely dependent on Hyperliquid’s success. Talk about putting all your credits in one galactic bank account. 💸

The SEC, in its infinite wisdom (or lack thereof, depending on who you ask), has extended its review of both the Bitwise Dogecoin (DOGE) ETF and Grayscale’s Hedera (HBAR) ETF. And let’s be honest, this isn’t the first time they’ve taken a bit longer than necessary to make up their minds. The decision has now been pushed to Nov. 12. Exciting stuff, right? 😅

Crypto analyst Merlijn The Trader-surely a pseudonym developed on a foggy evening with much vodka and little reason-has taken to the digital town square of X (née Twitter, because everything must be born twice nowadays). It is here, through shared charts side by side, that Merlijn posits the modern Bitcoin cycle pirouettes in lockstep with the timeless waltz of 2017.

The actors in this dark farce employed the ancient art of SIM swapping-a craft so simple yet fiendishly effective: deceiving the guardian of a phone number into surrendering it, and with it, the keys to the kingdom of secret codes. These codes, those ephemeral sentinels meant to guard the gates of cryptocurrency vaults, were intercepted and wielded against their rightful owners. A theft not of brute force, but of sleight-of-hand pretending to be a friendly neighbor.

If you’re a fan of big words and even bigger ambitions, saddle up! They’re laying out plans for fancier barns, slicker processing contraptions, logistics that’d make any hopeless dreamer weep, and irrigation upgrades that could drown a cactus. Even almond orchards-those fickle trees!-are looking to march from 400 to 500 hectares strong, multiplying like rabbits on romance novels. On top of that, they’re dabbling in warehouses where you’ll need a coat in July and micro-irrigation schemes so precise, I bet even Mother Nature would ask for the blueprint.

Turns out, Heritage Distilling, no, not your local booze joint, but some Nasdaq-listed fancy pants company, announced they’re making the “first of many steps” to mess around with their treasury – aka their piggy bank – by loading it up with this token. Because why not? Traders on-chain and all the technical mumbo jumbo are snapping it up like it’s the latest iPhone release, so maybe this thing actually has legs.

So, Stellar [XLM] has decided to go bullish on the SuperTrend indicator for the first time since the 25th of August. Big deal, you say? Well, it’s like your cat finally deciding to use the litter box instead of your favorite shoe. Progress, people! 🐱👟

This whole saga began back in June 2025 when Avalon casually deposited 1.88 million USDT into Bybit (because why not?). They repurchased 13.95 million AVL tokens at an average of $0.1347 per coin and then-wait for it-permanently burned them. Poof! Gone. Like that leftover pizza you swore you’d eat tomorrow but somehow vanished overnight. 🍕✨