Crypto news

The broader trend, of course, is still as corrective as a nanny with a ruler, but this little rebound has everyone squinting at their crystal balls. Traders, those eternal optimists, are now wondering if the downside cycle is as tired as a troll after a night of bridge-guarding. With momentum puffing its chest and liquidity flowing like a river of gold, the market is watching with the intensity of a cat eyeing a particularly suspicious fish.

Darkfost, a man whose name carried the weight of whispered prophecies in dimly lit trading forums, declared that the on-chain signals now mirrored the solemn stillness of a battlefield after the last shot had been fired. His charts, dense with the hieroglyphics of unrealized profits and losses, whispered of a reckoning-one that had historically arrived only when the market had exhausted itself in the throes of despair. The numbers, cold and unfeeling, suggested a quiet tension beneath the surface, a pressure building like steam beneath the lid of a neglected samovar.

At the time of writing (and wiping one’s brow), ENA was trading at $0.17, down a heart-stopping 20% on the weekly chart. The downtrend, now in its fourth week, shows all the resilience of a soggy biscuit. Yet amid this desolation, a curious thing occurred: the whales-those blubbery leviathans of the investment deep-poked their snouts above water and began noisily sucking up ENA like it was plankton at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

ShinyHunters, known for high-profile crypto and corporate hacks, is threatening to leak users’ 2024 tax reports unless a ransom is paid. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like holding your taxes hostage.

And what’s more, old bean, Merkle, the parent entity of this digital darling, plans to return the full $180 million it raised to its investors. Dash it all, that’s what I call playing the game with a straight bat! Romero’s comments came after a bit of a dust-up on X, where the critics were out in force, framing the Neynar deal as a quiet wind-down, while the supporters rallied round, insisting it was all above board and as orderly as a P.G. Wodehouse plot.

Meanwhile, the noble arena of crypto markets-where dreams are born and crushed faster than a house of cards-decided to take a breather. Report has it that the Senate Banking Committee, that stalwart guardian of financial wisdom, decided to delay the sacred crypto legislation bill, much to the despair of investors whose hearts beat only for the thrill of constant chaos. President Trump, ever the jester, took a brief pause from tariffs, but alas, not enough to stir the sluggish tides.

Behold the rise of World Liberty Financial’s USD1 stablecoin as it smirks down at PayPal’s PYUSD from its lofty perch. Eric Trump took to X like a proud parent, proclaiming the triumph as part of a grander scheme to construct a digital dollar empire. Because who doesn’t want another empire, right?

This arrangement squeezes genuine directional conviction into a tiny, polite box, making the next responses at the $2,700 support zone as crucial as a friendly hug to a bewildered asteroid.

Bitcoin, ever the ambitious actor, tried a bold exit into the limelight this morning, only to have a stern usher step up at $91,000 and politely shut it down. Thus the coin left the stage looking slightly crestfallen.

The dynamic duo concocted a scheme so audacious, it involved a fraudulent $15,625 Paycheck Protection Plan (PPP) loan. Because, you know, why work for money when you can just make it appear out of thin air? The Small Business Administration (SBA), bless their trusting hearts, guaranteed the loan under the CARES Act, which was supposed to help those poor souls hit hard by the COVID-19 pandemic. Turns out, these two were more hit by the “get rich quick” bug.