Bitcoin ETFs: A Billion-Dollar Comedy Show! 🎭💰

Last week, the Bitcoin ETFs found themselves gorged with an abundance of greenbacks as the illustrious price of Bitcoin surged towards ethereal new all-time highs, like some ecstatic troubadour at the peak of his fame. Clearly, capital is not merely a currency; it is a melody that compels one to dance! 💃

Bitcoin’s Throne: Is Silver Now Just A Dull Coin? 💰✨

But hold your horses! 🐎 For in this grand spectacle, Bitcoin has boldly trampled upon silver, casting aside its glittering veil to reveal a market valuation of $2.199 trillion. With a staggering 106% superiority, one must chuckle at the forlorn fate of silver. Once the cherished safe-haven asset, it now watches in despair as this ‘digital gold’ claims the spotlight! Who knew precious metals could be so… passé? 😂

Bitcoin’s Shadow Empire Rises

The global bitcoin mining heat map, that clever tool of the digital cartographers at hashrateindex.com, paints a vivid picture of where the true power lies. The United States, marked by the map’s darkest shade, still holds the crown, commanding a 35.81% share of the global hashrate. But for how long? 🤔

Crypto Cash Splash: H100 Group and Agora Finance Dive In with Millions!

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The real star of the show was H100 Group, which managed to rake in a whopping $54 million. That’s more than the GDP of some small countries, and it’s not even the end of the month! Finance and banking ventures, it seems, are the life of the party, accounting for nearly half of the week’s total deal flow. Investors, it appears, are still betting on real-world utility and infrastructure as the next big thing in crypto. Who knew building something useful could be so… profitable? 🤑

Why FUNToken’s Deflationary Model is the New Black in Web3

Its model is built around transparent, predictable supply reduction. This strategy not only supports long-term price stability but also reinforces many of the values that inspired Web3 itself: trustlessness, transparency, and true ownership. It’s like a well-tailored suit in a world of fast fashion. 🎩

Feds Bust the Mother of All Health Scams 🚑💸

The DOJ has rounded up 324 defendants in an alleged $14.6 billion fraud scheme that’s as complex as a Russian novel. It involves fake billing, kickbacks, and enough opioid peddling to put a smile on the face of a pharmaceutical executive (just kidding, those guys are never happy). 😒