Crypto news

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has once again paused its review of the proposed Cardano [ADA] exchange-traded fund (ETF). 🕵️♂️ Oh, how thrilling!

By Shayan, who still owes me half a beer

In a filing as thrilling as a society wedding announcement, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission revealed its decision to extend the deadlines for these ETFs. Originally due in late August, they are now consigned to the distant future of October 2025. One can only marvel at the regulator’s glacial pace, a true testament to bureaucratic finesse. 🧊

Why do coins flee the exchange? Is it the siren call of purchase, or the whisper of cold storage, where they might slumber undisturbed, like treasures in a dragon’s hoard? A shift to the cryptic, the clandestine-perhaps a promise of eternal rest, or a plot to ambush the market with a yawn.

Notably, Schiff is insisting that Bitcoin has lost its momentum and will be prone to more volatility and weak performance. The asset’s dip to $109,000 represents a 13% decline from the highs it reached less than two weeks ago, during its bullish rally. 🤯

Meanwhile, the company’s stock has been performing more rollercoaster than a rideshare in Havana. Down over 53% in a week, sitting at a modest $3.18, after a brief flirtation with fortune when billionaire Peter Thiel winked at them, causing the share price to triple faster than you can say “pump and dump.” Alas, the high was short-lived, and the SEC’s recent filing for an additional 74.8 million convertible shares has investors clutching their pearls, fearing dilution-because who doesn’t love a good shareholder scare? 😱

This feat (if one may call it that) has catapulted XRP futures into the esteemed “$B club,” a rarefied group that includes the likes of Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), and Solana (SOL). One wonders, however, whether XRP’s newfound popularity will prove to be a flash in the pan or a lasting phenomenon. 🤔

Yet, fear not! Amidst this maelstrom of misfortune, a glimmer of hope pierces the gloom. The SHIB faithful, with the tenacity of a bulldog clutching a £5 note, have managed to burn a modest 9,434,807 SHIB over seven days. A pittance, to be sure, but better than nothing-unless one is a poet, in which case it is a poignard to the soul.

A certain modern-day soothsayer, one ‘Altcoin Sherpa’, has cast the bones and seen three paths diverging in this yellow wood of speculation. Each promises a wholly unique torment or delight.

And who’s in on this modern-day gold rush? Why, none other than some of the most famous characters on the stage, includin’ President Trump’s media outfit and that electric car fellow, Elon Musk himself. It’s a regular party of high rollers.