Crypto news

Dip buyers are swooping in like vultures at a buffet, so a rebound might be on the menu… if the market stops being a grumpy cat. 🐱

The proposed Bitwise Hyperliquid ETF would, in theory, hold actual HYPE tokens-because apparently, the financial world has decided that “backed by real assets” now includes digital confetti. The filing is about as detailed as a politician’s promise, omitting key details like which exchange it’ll trade on, the ticker symbol, or, you know, how much it’ll cost. Priorities, people!

Lorenzo Valente, Ark’s resident oracle, graced us with a video on X, where he revealed Ethereum’s current 13.5% slice of the crypto pie. Should this pie swell to $25 trillion in five years (a mere blink in crypto time), Ethereum might strut into the $28,000 arena. A price so lofty, it would make a Rothschild blush. 🎩

The time has come to hold your digital horses as the largest-ever $23 billion crypto options extravaganza is upon us. Bitcoin, Ethereum (the old reliable), XRP (positioned precariously like a tightrope walker), and Solana are all looking to the heavens, wondering if they will soar or plummet. The stakes? Big. The audience? Most definitely anyone who’s ever received an unsolicited investment tip.

Behold, Chainlink teeters at $21.77, with $22.00 looming like a gatekeeper to the heavens. Analyst Crypto Monkey, that sage of the charts, observes the price testing this threshold after a series of humiliations. Will it break through, or shall it be repelled like a poorly timed joke at a funeral? The market holds its breath, and the outcome shall dictate its next whimsical move. 🤡📉

A new Solana-based perpetual futures DEX is now the center of attention, and somehow, SBF’s name is floating around like a ghost in a cryptocurrency haunted house. 🕯️ Is this a comeback? A prank? Or just a very expensive game of “Guess the Next Big Thing”? 🤔

Ethereum, Solana, and Dogecoin-those darling altcoins-led the waltz of despair, plunging over 6%. The leveraged market, ever the drama queen, wept $1.13 billion in liquidations today. Oh, the humanity! 😱

In a move that could make even the most seasoned investors raise an eyebrow, Naver Financial has joined forces with Dunamu-the proud operator of Upbit. How, you ask? A stock swap, of course! Forget cash; let’s play this financial game like it’s Monopoly, but with way more zeros. This deal gives Naver control of the biggest crypto exchange in the land. Talk about a power play! ⚡

Kwame Asante planted 500 trees in Ghana, and now he’s waiting for his paycheck like it’s a Netflix series. 8 months later, still no cash. 🌍💸 #TreeHuggerStruggles

In a move as bold as a peacock in full plumage, Brazil’s new provisional measure has taken the audacious step of taxing those elusive, undeclared digital trinkets. The proposal, a mere 7.5 percent, is aimed at those virtual assets that have slipped through the cracks of honesty-or, as some might say, the velvet pockets of the crypto elite. 🕵️‍♂️💎