Crypto news

Heigh-ho! Suddenly, a massive $8.6 billion in Bitcoin, slumbering untouched since the halcyon days of 2011, has decided to stretch its legs. Gossips and blockchain detectives alike are in quite a lather: who – or what – disturbed this ancient digital crypt? The fortune hasn’t been sold or spent, just… relined its wallet. One must ask: rehearsal for a grand exit? Some leviathan flexing its digital muscles? Or, as the more theatrically inclined suggest, is this the Phantom of the Opera of crypto hacks? 🎭

It’s not the first time bitcoin has appeared in Drake’s orbit. Over the past few years, the Canadian superstar has become one of crypto’s most visible celebrity community members.

Picture this: It’s Saturday, July 5. Uniswap’s hanging around $6.95, looking like it just woke up from a rough night, compared to its $20 high last November. The market cap’s taken a swan dive too, now at a humble $4.8 billion. Last year it was flexing at over $10 billion, but apparently the crypto gods don’t believe in happy endings. 📉

Some miners just dipped their toes in, while others went all in, repurposing rigs, raising credit, and signing billion-dollar deals. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get in on that sweet, sweet AI action? 🤑

According to a recent analysis by the market expert Daan Crypto Trades, Ethereum is trapped in a well-defined price channel, currently hovering around $2,527. The $2,800 mark, dear readers, is the key to unlocking the next big move. If Ethereum can break and hold above this level, it might just start a bull rally that could make even the most skeptical trader do a double take. 🤯

Hold onto your hats, because it turns out the hackers didn’t need to scale the walls of a digital fortress to get in. Nope! They just bought the login credentials of an employee for a bargain price of $2,700. Yes, you heard that right—two thousand seven hundred bucks! That’s less than a year’s worth of your Netflix subscription, but enough to bypass a sophisticated security system and swipe 800 million Brazilian reais from the reserve accounts of six banks. Talk about bargain hunting! 🤑

According to top analyst Ted Pillows, multiple technical indicators support a bullish outlook. Notably, Bitcoin has just confirmed a bullish MACD crossover on the daily timeframe, which is often a precursor to upside continuation. Adding to the bullish case is Bitcoin’s highest monthly close in history, a key psychological milestone that could bring new inflows and spark renewed interest from sidelined investors.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Is this the start of a glorious comeback for XRP?” Well, my dear friends, it could be. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet. 😉

This icy maneuver has sent creditors, notably an impassioned chorus from China, into a predictable tailspin—rumour has it, lawsuits are already being feverishly rehearsed backstage. 🎭

Come 2025, New Zealand is tightening up the security screws. I’d say it’s just as much for transparency as it is so folks don’t “forget” to pay the taxman his dues. Laws ain’t specifically yelling “Hey, crypto!”—but they’re still giving it the side-eye thanks to some crafty fintech rules.