Crypto news

On a Monday that shall remain unnamed (for reasons of existential dread), the New York Stock Exchange-keeper of gilded clockwork and parchment-bound dreams-announced a new platform for tokenized securities. Why? To inject the frenetic, caffeine-fueled energy of crypto into the stately waltz of traditional stocks. Should regulators nod in approval, investors may soon trade equities and ETFs at any hour, even while the moon lingers slyly above Manhattan. 🕰️

Once, the clever moneymakers purchased the spot Bitcoin ETFs only to short the futures, playing a game of hide and seek with mispricing – a sort of financial Frodo risking the One Ring. But alas! The price gaps have shrunk faster than a summer prune, and the funding costs have risen, making their once lucrative dalliance resemble a ruined soirée. The arbitrage funds are slipping away like scandalous whispers at a dinner party.

BeInCrypto has analysed three such altcoins that have major developments ahead of them in the third week of January. 🤯

In his latest missive-likely penned by candlelight in a bureaucratic basement-Visser unveils “the machine economy,” a dystopian paradise where AI slaves trade stablecoins while humans queue for ration cards.

After lounging in a narrow range for most of January like a cat who can’t decide if it wants to nap or destroy your curtains, Pi’s price recently belly-flopped back to $0.19-a level last seen when people still thought NFTs were a good idea. 🤷‍♂️

As the crypto world dusts off its monocle and straightens its cravat for 2026, Sumit Gupta, the Co-Founder of CoinDCX, is declaring a shift from mere survival to unabashed expansion. How utterly daring! 🎩

With the Federal Reserve’s rate-cut whims fluttering like a moth in a storm, key data releases and high-profile speeches threaten to send BTC and its eccentric cousins-the altcoins-on a wild ride.

Last week, Canaan issued a statement that probably made investors groan louder than a dial-up modem. They confirmed receiving a formal “you’re failing” letter from Nasdaq about violating Listing Rule 5550(a)(2)-the rule that demands a $1.00 closing bid price for 30 straight business days. Because nothing says “stability” like a stock that can’t even hit a dollar. 💸

“It’s an exercise in pure intellect,” says he, as if brandishing a quill amid the rustling leaves of crypto revolutions past. “Seems our dear Brad is quite the incarnation of the principle himself, with genuine ardor and amiable concern. The cypherpunk spirit is aflame in him, ostensibly attempting to champion the noble intentions of our beloved technology.” What a delicate dance of words it is!

EU trade tensions are escalating faster than a sitcom family feud, and Federal Reserve’s got some tricks up its sleeve. The crypto market? Yeah, it’s feeling the pressure-big surprise. 🥴