Crypto news

The SEC, in its infinite wisdom, has bestowed upon Fuse Crypto a no-action letter, declaring that its native token, the whimsically named ENERGY, does not meet the stringent criteria of its securities laws. Specifically, the token has miraculously passed the Howey test, thus escaping the noose of being labeled a security. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from the cryptosphere. 🌪️💸

Chanos, ever the cynic, couldn’t resist pointing out the irony. “Isn’t that when they should be buying more?” he quipped, probably while sipping a cup of tea and stroking an imaginary cat. 🐱 Because, you know, that’s what short sellers do. They sip tea. And stroke cats. And mock people for not buying things when they’re cheap. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.

In a post on the enchanted scroll of X, Crypto Waterman proclaimed that the great Bitcoin will rise from the ashes of its recent plunge. Mark your calendars-December 5th! After slumping to a mere $81,000 (a pittance, if you ask me), the crypto king will rise from the depths, like a phoenix… well, with a bit of help from Mercury retrograde, ending on November 29th. Ah, how quaint! 📅🔮

In a recent social media post, Schwartz was all, “Why would we feel more pressure to sell XRP if the price drops? Isn’t it obvious that other income sources would chill us out?” Um, David, honey, we’ve seen your balance sheet. You’re basically a XRP vending machine at this point. 🕹️

Here’s the deal: that bounce? Doesn’t look too convincing. The one shining light on this chart, the bullish setup, is rapidly becoming a distant memory. And the indicators? Oh, they’re showing more “meh” than “wow,” with strength fading faster than my motivation to go to the gym after a pizza night. 🍕

Imagine a world where Enso, the reigning champion of blockchain hacks, steps into the spotlight on November 24, supporting Monad’s Layer-1 network and that mysterious MON token everyone whispers about at night. This isn’t just support; this is full-on integration, the kind that makes builders dance in the streets and traders drool. From lending platforms to trading floors-everything’s ready to rumble like a well-oiled, slightly insane machine. 🔧✨

Cryptorank, that ever-reliable oracle of crypto secrets, tells us XRP has exactly six days to ditch its bad girl reputation and rewrite history-history that shows it historically enjoys a 79.9% growth spurt every November. But with October’s performance being an embarrassing -5.14%, the question is: can XRP climb out of its hole before the clock strikes zero? Not that it’s a bad record-just a record, mind you.

This daring pivot underscores not only the pitfalls lurking in the Thai capital markets but also Hong Kong’s shining promise as the digital asset promised land. Who knew that markets could be so unpredictable? 🎢

The great banking mystery of the moment: why does a bank that’s been wading through the digital asset pond like a drunken duck suddenly decide to politely inform someone, “We aren’t allowed to tell you”? The answer, dear reader, is as clear as a bank vault-nobody is allowed to say.

So, crypto majors like Bitcoin, Ether, and Solana have been treading water over the past 24 hours after a week of wild price swings, dropping to the lowest levels we’ve seen in months. It’s like watching your childhood pet hamster go in circles in its cage – just aimlessly spinning.