Crypto news

Today, the world’s largest publicly traded holder of Bitcoin, known simply as Strategy, revealed its latest escapade: acquiring 10,645 Bitcoin (BTC) between December 8 and December 14, for the princely sum of approximately $980.3 million. What a time to be alive!

A Symphony of Technical Whispers

These new offerings are meant to “complement” existing Bitcoin and Ethereum futures. Complement? More like “we’re throwing everything at the wall and hoping it sticks.” Oh, and they’ll also let you trade against the S&P 500, Nasdaq-100, and other indices. Because nothing says “stability” like piling crypto chaos onto stock market drama 🙄.

Strategy, trading at $176.45, has plummeted by ~62% from its zenith this year. A tragic fall, no? This decline mirrors the woes of Bitcoin (BTC), which has tumbled from $126,300 in October to a mere $90,000 today. 🪨

By Shayan, the bard of bear markets

Imagine the scene: a soccer club desperately short on cash, but sitting on a treasure trove of media rights they’re too impatient to wait for. Enter Decentral on the Chiliz blockchain-because if you’re going to play hardball with your finances, might as well do it with a digital ball. They’re tokenizing future receipts, turning promises into trades, and giving clubs a fast lane to funding without the bank and its endless paperwork. Who needs banks when you have crypto, right?

Imagine, if you will, the scene: UNI shuffled nervously in its virtual shoes, trading in a narrow corridor of liquidity pressure-like a miserly cat refusing to chase a laser pointer. Despite all the fireworks from high-profile on-chain antics, our brave digital horse stayed calm, as if it had eaten a hearty breakfast of stoicism and slept on a bed of sarcasm. The price? Staying put, shrinking and contracting like my patience at a bureaucratic meeting. 🐱💼

It all started Saturday, when some mysterious new wallet decided to execute a six-hour TWAP (because nothing says ‘fun’ like calculating underwater drama over hours, apparently) to short 398 XYZ100 contracts-roughly $10 million-according to the omniscient Hypurrscan Holy Grail of data.

Bitcoin clings to $90k like a koala to Eucalyptus, while the Fear and Greed Index moonwalks into “I give up, take my crypto.” 🐰💸