Crossing the infamous $94,000 crag without a hint of trepidation, Bitcoin seemed poised to jive with the vaunted $100,000 benchmark once more. Yet, whispers on the crypto winds were all but ignoring this grand pursuit, choosing instead to focus on a curious kind of sage-those marked as the short-term holders (STHs). An odd spectacle, these brethren, devoted to a brief sojourn with Bitcoin, now evoking inquisitive glances and murmurs.
The White House, that paragon of bureaucratic poise, has been reduced to a quivering leaf in the face of Coinbase’s defection, threatening to yank its support for the CLARITY Act like a child tossing a tantrum over a broken toy. 🐉
During a conference, His Excellency confided that he prefers to keep Hassett in his current role, citing the usual concerns about upheaval and the possibility of losing a committee member who probably knows where the coffee is brewed.
Patrick Witt, some guy with a fancy title, said the DOJ confirmed the Bitcoin “hasn’t been liquidated and won’t be liquidated.” Great! So they’re just hoarding it like a squirrel with a crypto stash. 🐿️ They’re calling it the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. Genius. Next thing you know, they’ll be building a bunker and trading goldfish for Dogecoin.
UPDATE: Officially confirmed-those digital treasures snatched from the clasp of Samourai Wallet are not being turned into lemonade. They will remain on the grand USG balance sheet as part of the SBR. Take that, skeptics! 🥂
zkEVM on L1 – the plan
Such a marvelous spectacle hints at a renewed fervor in the ETH derivatives market! One might think our traders have returned from their winter slumber, ready to plunge back into the fray!
Strive, a Nasdaq-listed asset manager, just completed a deal so epic, it’s like watching a superhero movie where the villain is the stock market itself 🎬💥. The transaction, announced on Friday, follows shareholder approval earlier this week-because who needs sleep when you can vote on mergers? 🧠
The U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Eastern District of Virginia, that most staid of institutions, revealed a federal complaint filed in Alexandria, Virginia. It accuses Mr. Figueira of conspiracy to launder money-a crime as old as commerce itself, yet here rendered in the glitzy vernacular of blockchain and shell companies.
Enter Michael Nadeau, the Cassandra of crypto, who whispers: “This rally smells of yesterday’s perfume-lovely, but doomed.” 🧐
