Crypto news

Key Observations for the Astute Reader

From a macro lens, the daily chart reveals a sideways grind with a not-so-subtle bullish undercurrent. After rallying from approximately $84,000 to $94,800-a tidy 12.3% sprint-bitcoin has simmered into a stabilizing groove above the $91,000 mark. 🐢

With Bitcoin trading above $93,000 at the time of Santiment’s data release, many retail investors were observed reassessing their positions, calculating Bitcoin profits with the diligence of a man counting his coins before a journey. That reassessment appeared to drive profit-taking among smaller wallets, even as larger holders, those who have seen the ebb and flow of markets for decades, continued to increase exposure. 🐟

Key takeaways (because the robots need bullet points):

Meanwhile, our good friends in the altcoin neighborhood have been doing a bit of a soft shoe shuffle, with ETH reclaiming its fancy $3,100 dance step and BNB giving a respectable nod at $910. But hold your horses-Monero (XMR) has taken center stage, stealing the spotlight with a new personal best that could put even the most seasoned showman to shame!

Former New York City Mayor Eric Adams, ever the visionary, birthed the NYC Token to combat antisemitism and anti-Americanism. A noble cause, one might think, were it not for the stench of desperation clinging to the project like a bad suit at a black-tie event.

According to the soothsayers at CryptoQuant (who gaze into glowing screens as if they were ancient flames), the mighty wallets-once swollen with promises of immutable wealth-have begun to deflate. These are no mere peasants moving pennies; these are the aristocrats of crypto, whose very breath can stir the markets. And now, they exhale… and the price shudders. As the sage CryptoBusy proclaimed from the digital mountain:

Citigroup, JPMorgan, Wells Fargo-names that usually inspire awe or nausea, depending on your tax bracket-tumbled like drunks after last call. Down they went, 1%, 2%, even 3%, as if the very earth beneath Wall Street had turned to quicksand. And Capital One? Poor Capital One. Down 7%, looking as sprightly as a deflated balloon at a birthday party. 🎈

Mr. Thomas Lee, the esteemed CEO of Ethereum DAT Bitmine (BMNR), has declared, with all the solemnity such matters require, that the company’s holdings now surpass $14 billion. This prodigious sum, comprising both cryptocurrency and liquid assets, has rendered the financial world agog with astonishment. 💰

United Kingdom (U.K.) Prime Minister Keir Starmer now finds himself in the crosshairs of his own party’s more zealous members, who demand a full ban on cryptocurrency donations to political parties. This, they claim, is to thwart the nefarious schemes of foreign powers, who, it seems, are now using crypto and AI to play a game of political hide-and-seek with our electoral system. 🤖💸