BTC’s Ball: A Satire on Hysterical Wallets & Unprepared Hands 🎭📉

The chart data, rendered in graphs more dramatic than a Molière soliloquy, reveals a surge of wallets holding BTC for a decade or more. Since the dawn of 2024, when Bitcoin pranced above $50,000 like a peacock in a gilded cage, these ancient coins have been shuffled on-chain. One might infer that the OGs, weary of their digital treasure, are cashing in their chips-or at least their mining rigs.

Sequans Sells Soul (and Bitcoin) for Debt Relief 😂💸

Sequans Bitcoin Sale

According to the Sequans’ (NYSE: SQNS) proclamation on the fourth day of November, this sacrifice of Bitcoin funded the redemption of half their convertible debt from the seventh day of July. Thus, their debt shrank from $189 million to a mere $94.5 million, while their Bitcoin reserves dwindled from 3,234 BTC to 2,264 BTC. At the current market price, their Bitcoin net asset value (NAV) standeth at $240 million, reducing their debt-to-NAV ratio from 55% to 39%. A victory, they claim, yet the crowd doth murmur with skepticism.

Bitnomial’s Crypto Collateral Crisis: RLUSD & XRP Join the Party!

Bitnomial, a Chicago-based derivatives exchange and clearinghouse regulated by the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC), has become the first U.S. registered derivatives clearing organization to accept stablecoins as margin collateral, the company said in a press release Tuesday. Because nothing says “regulation” like letting your margin be backed by a cryptocurrency that’s probably just a meme at this point. 🤡

Moonwell’s $1M Oracle Tragedy 🚨💸 – Another Day, Another Hack! 😂

According to CertiK Alert, the attacker, with the cunning of a fox, managed to borrow over 20 wstETH using a mere 0.02 wrstETH flashloan, exploiting a faulty oracle that spewed false prices of 5.8 million dollars. The profit? A staggering 295 ETH, roughly a million dollars. This swift and repeated borrowing sequence, like a thief in the night, drained Moonwell’s lending markets of their lifeblood.

Bitget Gives Free Money? Here’s Why You Should Care 🤑

The Victoria, Seychelles-based exchange cut qualification requirements in half compared to its existing institutional financing programs, according to Bitget’s institutional financing program. The move follows Binance’s June launch of its Altcoin LiquidityBoost Program, which offered fee rebates rather than capital loans to market makers specializing in altcoin pairs. 🤯

🚨 Crypto Apocalypse: Bitcoin Plunges, Altcoins Weep, Wallets Scream! 🚨

According to the sacred scrolls of liquidation data, a staggering $1.34 billion in leveraged positions hath been cast into the void within the past 24 hours. Of this sum, $1.18 billion belonged to the hapless long traders, whose dreams of riches have turned to ashes. Analysts, those soothsayers of the digital realm, proclaim this a massacre not seen since the dark days of mid-September, a testament to the hubris of October’s mad ascent. 📉🔮