Crypto news

But lo and behold! Our dear DOGE, that rascal, has chosen to defy the odds, slipping down by a modest 1.18% in the last 24 hours. What a rebel! 🎭

Picture it: a pen, a form, and presto-two signatures scratch the poor businessman off his own balance sheet. Even the ink didn’t stick; the very atoms of the checkbook felt lighter, like laughing gas on a summer porch. Meanwhile, on July the third, the thieving woman thumbed her phone with all the casual aplomb of ordering tacos and shipped off three-hundred grand and small change to distant corners where honest cash fears to tread. She might as well have used emojis: 👋💰🏃‍♀️💨.

Circle, in a recent X post, declared its mission to build the “internet of money” – a phrase so vague it could describe a toaster with a PhD. They claimed they’ve been working on this since 12 years ago, which is roughly 120,000 minutes of “innovation” that somehow didn’t include a ‘freeze illicit addresses’ button. Good job, team. You’ve got the dedication of a squirrel chasing a nut through a maze of red herrings.

What’s the scoop? Here’s what you need to know:

According to the oracle of Coinglass, a staggering $2 billion in ETH long positions hang by a thread, ready to be swept away if Ethereum dares to dip to $4,200. The liquidation heatmap resembles a crowded theater, with a massive cluster of positions waiting for the final act. As the curtain rises on further declines, a wave of forced selling may ensue, even as traders scramble to exit stage left.

But here’s the juicy part: André Dragosch, the head honcho of European research at Bitwise, suggests that this little piece of legislation might be the magic key to unlocking billions of dollars, possibly driving Bitcoin’s price to a cool $200,000 by the end of 2025. And that, my friends, is just a start. 🌍💰

With Hines at the helm, one can only imagine the delightful chaos that will ensue as he attempts to untangle the spaghetti of regulations that seem to multiply like rabbits in spring. 🐇 His government and policy experience-oh, how it glimmers like a rare coin in the dim light of a crypto exchange-will surely bolster Tether’s ambitions to carve out a more pronounced niche in the American market.

In a plot twist worthy of a Mel Brooks movie, WazirX has now submitted its “Amended Scheme” to the court after receiving thunderous applause (well, 95.7% approval) from creditors on August 18. The company claims it’ll be ready to relaunch faster than you can say “blockchain”-just 10 business days after the court gives the green light. 🚦💸

In a session fit for the salons of Versailles, Cowenaddresseth an assembly of 922,000’d YouTube courtiers: “Should the Federal Reserve, ever capricious, slice yonder interest rates next month, behold! Not only your beloved stocks, but crypto too, shall taste the bittersweet pang of correction when bond yields ascend like the price of Parisian rent.”

The uptick in trading volume hints that Dogecoin holders might be quietly accumulating their digital fortunes, much like squirrels hoarding acorns before winter. Yet, DOGE’s price has been anything but stable, plummeting from a lofty $0.2269 to a humbler $0.2153 in the same period. Investors, now seized by the specter of uncertainty regarding potential U.S. rate cuts, have turned the meme coin’s market into a rollercoaster ride without seatbelts.