Crypto news

It seems Ethereum is making a gusty comeback, like a particularly confident elephant at a fruit stand.

As scams bloom like mold in a damp basement, Governor JB Pritzker, with the solemnity of a tsar signing decrees, has inked two bills-SB1797 and SB2319-the first of their kind in the Midwest. A bold statement: “We’re not your crypto casino, buddy.” 🃏

Behold! Saylor tweeted an image of himself-AI-generated, of course-looking like he just walked off the set of “Conan the Cryptobarian.” 🛡️ Armor? Check. Shield? Obviously. Caption? A soul-stirring two-word manifesto: “Bitcoin Forever.” It’s like he’s daring the crypto gods to test his resolve. Spoiler: They won’t. This man would HODL through a volcanic eruption.

This climb, though steady, is not without its critics. The token has gained 13% over the past week and nearly 30% in the last month, yet it remains more than 50% shy of its all-time high of $52.70, a peak reached in May 2021. But who counts the steps when the mountain is in sight? 🏔️

August 19th (possibly a date foretold by a nervous accountant) arrived with the grand announcement: crypto lending services-introduced mere moons ago by the likes of Upbit and Bithumb-are simply too much like trying to teach a goldfish to juggle. The FSC decided they’re in a “legal gray area”, which is somewhere between a shadowy alley and a bureaucratic blender-unnecessary risks and users potentially getting turned into unpaid interns.

With a market climbing higher than a cat in a tree, dazzling on-chain stats, and a fancy new institutional playground, SEI promises a future brighter than a neon sign in Vegas.

They’re promising faster transactions AND a pre-confirmation system. Milliseconds, they say. Milliseconds! As if I’ve got nothing but milliseconds to spare. Still, it sounds marginally less frustrating than waiting forever for something to go through. And bless their hearts, they’re trying to make fees make sense with an EIP-1559 inspired mechanism. It’s going to be a minimum of 3 gFRI which, frankly, is still a price tag I need to sit down and contemplate with a large glass of something bubbly. 🥂

In true democratic fashion-or at least as close as crypto gets to democracy-founder Sergey Ivancheglo (or Come-from-Beyond, if you’re into aliases) held a vote. The question? Which Proof-of-Work network should Qubic target next? It was like asking which house you’d rather throw a rock at, but hey, choices are choices.

Profit-taking near Bitcoin’s range highs, because of course they did – who doesn’t take a quick profit when the market’s dancing on a tightrope? 🤹♂️💸

Trade volume? Less lively than a Sunday picnic. Seems the momentum’s packed its bags and gone on holiday. When a rally shrinks, it’s like a balloon slowly deflating-until it’s just a sad little flapper. Ethereum loves testing the 26-day EMA, which is fancy talk for a line it keeps eyeing suspiciously. If ETH bounces off nicely, it’s just taking a quick breather, but if it drops through like a clumsy clown, short-term sellers will be throwing confetti-except it’s tears, not party favors.