Crypto news

In 2025, Ethereum’s liquidity figures were less a report and more a Shakespearean soliloquy. DeFi’s Total Value Locked? A staggering $99 billion-nine times any Layer 1 rival. Stablecoins, those unassuming digital coins, settled $18.8 trillion in volume-numbers so colossal they could make a mathematician weep 😢📈. Meanwhile, regulated crypto neobanks, with their cards, rewards, and payment programs, reached millions like a well-meaning uncle with a gift card.

In a splendid drama involving the not-so-mysterious “Mr. A,” who found himself in a bit of a pickle with 55.6 Bitcoins amounting to around 600 million won ($413,000), we witnessed a riveting dispute. Our dear Mr. A argued that these digital treasures, residing in exchange accounts, are akin to air-non-physical and thus untouchable by the law’s hand! Oh, how naïve! 😲

What, then, is the true measure of this descent? Not the numbers, but the who. Who sells? Who buys? A question as profound as the void itself.

XRP may have gained brief upward traction, but short-term holders’ sentiment appears to be moving into a cautious state. From an on- chain standpoint, these key investors are currently stepping back, trimming their positions after several weeks of choppy price action and weakening momentum. 🧘‍♂️

The pro-gold billionaire, with the fervor of a zealot, bestowed upon her the dubious honor of “first prize for the dumbest reason to buy Bitcoin”-a title she might have preferred to avoid, had she known it would be etched in the annals of financial folly. 🤯

The Foundation, with all the flair of a West End premiere, declared they’re “radically transforming” OP tokenomics. Monthly buybacks, my dears, will swallow half the Superchain revenue like a socialite at a champagne fountain. 🍾

Mining ops hit pause, and everyone suddenly realized that reliable internet is to Bitcoin what coffee is to me on a Monday: non-negotiable. Cheap electricity? Sure, but if your internet is slower than a sloth on vacation, you’re out of luck. 🐢

VanEck, that modern oracle of finance, dares to dream of $53 million by 2050-a price so absurd it could only be born of a man who’d forgotten the taste of reality. Yet here we stand, in this present age, where Bitcoin’s price flounders like a fish out of water, trapped in a purgatory of consolidation. Ah, the irony! The future gleams with gold, while the present drowns in mediocrity.

In a world where the sun rises over Wall Street, casting shadows on the ever-elusive realm of crypto, Nasdaq and CME Group are back at it again. They’ve unleashed the Nasdaq CME Crypto™ Index (NCITM), a sign that institutions are finally getting cozy with digital assets. Think of it as a warm hug in the frigid market of crypto uncertainty. ❄️

Dear Reader, let us speak of Grayscale, that illustrious digital asset manager now overseeing nigh on $35 billion. With a flourish worthy of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, they have filed for new ETFs tied to Binance Coin (BNB) and Hyperliquid’s HYPE token. One might suppose the Delaware Trust Company, that most solemn of institutions, has been conscripted to lend an air of respectability to these proceedings.