Crypto news

The Tail-End of the Canine Chronicle

As the astute analyst Joe Swanson recently noted, a bullish engulfing candle has graced the crypto chart, hinting at a delightful shift in buying pressure. It’s as if buyers have decided to throw a party, and everyone is invited! 🎉

On a fateful August 13th (mark your calendars, but don’t celebrate), Google Play announced their latest attempt to tame the digital wilderness. Crypto exchanges and wallet apps must now grovel before the nearest regulatory entity to secure their place in the Play Store’s pantheon. To do otherwise is to court exile: an app’s version of being sent to Coventry, but with fewer tea breaks.

But here’s the twist: Was Trump-yes, *that* guy with all the grace of a bull in a china shop-onto something? 🐂 Is the data we’ve been using to make billion-dollar decisions actually as reliable as a weather forecast in April? Hedge fund guru Ray Dalio seems to think so. In fact, he said he’d have canned the BLS chief too because their methods are “obsolete and error-prone.” Ouch. 🔥

And get this-more than 11.9 billion Norwegian krone (that’s a cool $1.2 billion, don’t worry, they have plenty more) are stuffed into Strategy alone, up 133% from last year. Coinbase? They just can’t get enough, increasing holdings by… wait for it… 96%! It’s like a Bitcoin buffet, and everyone’s going back for seconds! 🤣

The recent price surge has unleashed a torrent of liquidations, a spectacle as grand as a Bulgakovian carnival. 🪩 Coinglass, that ever-watchful oracle, reports $252.5 million in ETH positions liquidated in a mere 24 hours. Longs weep, shorts rejoice-a drama fit for the stages of Moscow! 🎭 Among the carnage, $58 million from longs and nearly $194 million from shorts have bitten the dust. Meanwhile, open interest in ETH futures has swelled to $61 billion, though in true crypto fashion, it’s mostly smoke and mirrors, with actual ETH interest still lagging behind its July peak. 🧙♂️

Right now-4:46 in the afternoon, Pacific time, coffee gone cold-the ticker says $4,718, only three football fields and change from the trigger. On the Hyperliquid charts the liquidation wall shows up dense as tumbleweeds against a wire fence, each contract a little domino wearing a bear suit and sweating like a preacher in July 🧊🐻.

When the Asian trading session kicks off, ETH already hit a lofty $4734.45, as if it’s been shot out of a rocket. Trading volumes are surging – up 25%, no less – with a tantalizing $61.58 billion exchanging hands. And since we’re talking bullish frenzy, consider this: we’re only about $200 away from that shiny, historic high, making it feel almost as easy as flipping a pancake.

Coinbase’s institutional Bitcoin trading volume hits 75%, a sign that BTC prices tend to rise shortly after.