Crypto news

The culprit? It’s the daily unlock-glorious drip, drip, drip of tokens flooding the digital gulag. More pioneers = more supply = more panic selling. Is this innovation? No. It’s economics with a smiley face emoji. 😊📉

And, of course, the great promise-utility! Ah yes, the mythical “real-world use.” You know, like buying a kilo of potatoes in Siberia with Pi. Except… there are no potatoes. There is no store. But plenty of PowerPoint slides. 🥔🚫

Without utility or a moral obligation to HODL (Holy Digital Grail!), demand staggers beneath the weight of endless liquidity. Reclaiming all-time highs? That would require miracles. Or manipulation. We’ll leave it to the reader to decide which is more likely. 🤫

Tether is doing its thing, dominating the crypto world like it owns the place. Its market cap is a whopping $184 billion, making it the largest dollar-pegged stablecoin. So, it’s basically the “safe” choice for people who don’t want their money to disappear into the crypto abyss. 😅

As the financial world races toward a digital future, Mastercard has made a bold leap. On November 13, Mastercard announced that their Mastercard Move platform would now support stablecoin wallet payouts through a partnership with Thunes. This move aims to provide global users with faster, more flexible money-movement options. But let’s be honest-is this the dawn of a new financial era, or just another attempt to stay relevant in the crypto craze? 🤔💸

Steven McClurg, the CEO (and presumably, a man who owns at least one expensive watch), graced the plebeians with his wisdom post-launch. Topics included: “Why XRP isn’t just Bitcoin’s weird cousin,” “How to sound smart at crypto parties,” and “The art of predicting prices without getting sued.”

Amidst the chaotic dance of the market’s volatility, where even whales are trembling and giving up their treasures, there remains one steadfast believer: the great crypto oracle, Arthur. With all the conviction of a philosopher in a powdered wig, Arthur pronounces that XRP could soon find itself in the midst of a supply crisis. And lo and behold, this could ignite a magnificent price explosion, bringing joy to the masses and filling the coffers of the faithful. 💸

On Wednesday, November 13, the world of digital finance experienced the birth of the first-ever U.S.-listed spot XRP ETF. And guess what? Early signs suggest that it’s going to be a big deal. In fact, the Canary XRP ETF saw $26 million in trading volume within 30 minutes of launch. If that doesn’t make you want to throw your portfolio out the window and start trading XRP instead, well, maybe you need to check your pulse.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get more absurd, along comes President Donald Trump, signing a bill to end the longest government shutdown in US history. 🎉 But instead of confetti and balloons, the market responded with a collective “meh” and decided to keep the party going-downward. 🎈↘️

Indeed, the buying pressure surrounding Bitcoin-the so-called “king” of cryptocurrencies-has been mounting, and it is mounting with such force that even the most stoic observer might find it hard to ignore. On-chain data, a form of divine revelation in the crypto world, shows that the mighty Bitcoin whale holders have reached a crucial accumulation benchmark, despite the market’s erratic mood swings. A rising tide of interest, even in a sea of gloom-how utterly thrilling!

Ah, OKX, that siren of the crypto seas, has finally bestowed upon its American acolytes the gift of decentralized trading. Through the OKX app, one may now waltz into the wild, wild DeFi west, assets firmly in hand. How quaintly revolutionary! 🌪️

According to these “operations plans” (because obviously the government needed a 43-day nap), staff are expected to shuffle back in Thursday after Trump signed a funding bill late Wednesday. Because nothing says “leadership” like playing hot potato with a budget. 🐔