In this age of digital serfdom, where the crypto market lies prostrate under the boot of bearish tyranny, a new breed of kulaks emerges, their eyes gleaming with the audacity of hope. Cathie Wood, the high priestess of Ark Invest, has thrown open the granaries of her ETFs, scattering millions upon the barren fields of crypto stocks. While the masses weep over their evaporated fortunes, she strides forward, her portfolio a testament to the absurdity of our times.
According to the sacred scrolls of trade filings, Ark Invest, on the third day of February, sacrificed $19 million upon the altar of crypto-related equities. The offerings were diverse: Circle, Coinbase, Bullish, Bitmine-each a pawn in this grand game of financial chess. On the morrow, the firm continued its ritual, acquiring 145,488 shares of Bitmine for $3.25 million and 125,218 shares of Bullish for $3.46 million. Circle and Coinbase, too, received their due, with 42,878 and 3,510 shares purchased for $2.4 million and $630,606, respectively. Even Block Inc. and Robinhood, those twin pillars of modern financial folly, were not spared, with shares totaling $1.77 million and $7.8 million added to the hoard.
But this was no isolated act of madness. On the previous day, Ark Invest had already lavished over $71 million on crypto stocks, a sum that would make even the most hardened oligarch blush. Through the ARK Blockchain & Fintech Innovation ETF (ARKF) and the ARK Innovation ETF (ARKK), the firm continued its relentless march, undeterred by the howling winds of market decline.
Meanwhile, the crypto market, once a beacon of hope for the disenfranchised, lies in ruins. Bitcoin, that false idol, has fallen from its pedestal, its value plummeting like a stone cast into the abyss. At $76,000, it is but a shadow of its former self, down 17% monthly and 14% weekly. The stocks of crypto-related companies, once the darlings of the financial world, now languish in double-digit despair. Yet, Cathie Wood remains undaunted, her faith in the crypto resurrection unshaken.
As the bearish season drags on, Ark Invest continues its buying spree, a modern-day Noah gathering pairs of every crypto stock in preparation for the flood. Whether this is the wisdom of a prophet or the folly of a madwoman remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: in the theater of finance, Cathie Wood is the tragedian, and we are but spectators to her grand, absurd performance.
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2026-02-04 23:05