Chainlink ETF? Seriously?

by

So, Bitwise wants to launch a Chainlink ETF. An ETF. For Chainlink. 🤦‍♂️ Like, people actually want to trade that like it’s a normal stock? I mean, I get wanting to make money, but this feels… precarious. And they put it on the DTCC registry. That’s…something. CLNK, they’re calling it. Sounds like a cough.

It’s “active and pre-launch,” which is just corporate speak for “we’re hoping the SEC doesn’t laugh in our faces.” Like, you file the paperwork, and then you just… wait? For the government? This is gonna take a while. A long while.

DTCC Listing Sparks Optimism? More Like Mild Interest

They say the DTCC listing is a good sign. “Often precedes approval”? Oh, often does it? Well, that’s reassuring. For something as inherently… questionable… as Chainlink, I need more than “often.” It tracks Chainlink, which, if you don’t know, connects “smart contracts to real-world data feeds.” Sounds complicated. And probably prone to glitches. 🙄

Bitwise – these guys – they filed some Form S-1 thing in August. And now Form 8-A is next. Look, I don’t understand all the forms, alright? Just…a lot of forms. And the government shutdown? Don’t even get me started. It’s stalled everything. Everything!

Chainlink’s Expanding Institutional Footprint (and My Skepticism)

“First U.S. fund offering institutional exposure to a decentralized oracle network”? What does that even mean? They’re trying to make Chainlink sound legitimate. It’s like putting a suit on a pigeon. A very technologically advanced pigeon, maybe, but still a pigeon! 🐦

Real-time, tamper-proof data… sure, okay. And I’m the Soup Nazi. Apparently, it enables “automation of payments, lending, and asset management.” More things that can go wrong, I assume.

Analysts think it’ll “solidify Chainlink’s position.” Analysts always think something. They’re paid to think. Whether their thinking is useful is another story. They also have ETFs for Solana, XRP, Dogecoin, and Aptos. Dogecoin! Seriously?!

Market Reactions and the Road Ahead

And the price dropped 2%? After all this fanfare? People are seeing through it, I tell ya. It slipped below $17.40! They’re selling! See? I’m not the only one questioning things. It’s “broader crypto market weakness and heavy derivatives sell-offs.” It’s always something with these people. Always an excuse.

“Maturing infrastructure”? It’s changing, sure. Whether that change is good is debatable. Very debatable. 🤔

They think the ETF will lead a “new wave.” A wave of what? More questionable ETFs? This is a slippery slope, I’m telling you. A slippery, digital slope. When the government gets back to work (if they ever do), this thing might actually happen. Which will be… interesting.

Cover image from ChatGPT, LINKUSD chart from Tradingview

Read More

2025-11-13 06:27