Once upon a time in Germany, a sum of €34 million in cryptocurrency found itself the subject of law enforcement’s latest spring cleaning. Along for the joyride was Exch, a crypto swapping service that proved itself as adept at laundering money as a laundromat is with dirty socks—including the pilfered riches from the 2025 Bybit fiasco. 🧦💸
Exch Crashes: Crypto Swappers Swap Careers as €34M Vanishes From Their Grubby Wallets
The usually well-kept silence of Frankfurt’s prosecutors and Germany’s BKA was broken on the last day of April, 2025. With a flourish, they waltzed in, confiscated Exch’s servers, and bagged crypto spoils—bitcoin, ether, litecoin, and dash, all valued at €34 million. A humble eight terabytes of digital secrets tagged along for good measure, no doubt containing the letters to mother and a few unfortunate selfies. 📸
Exch, that amiable platform since 2014, invited patrons to anonymously swap cryptocurrencies free from the ennui of anti-money laundering checks—think of it as the speakeasy of the blockchain nightclub. They courted the shadowy denizens of darknet forums, and as authorities tell it, $1.9 billion in crypto got spun through their drums. Part of this: a slice of the $1.5 billion Bybit hack from February 2025. A regular opera buffa of digital larceny. 🎭
The masterminds behind the whole affair are now starring in their own investigative drama, suspected of running a criminal bazaar and “professional money laundering”—a title not typically conferred by one’s parents. Exch, in a rare moment of planning, allegedly meant to close shop by May 1, but authorities—ever eager—had other plans, thanks to their Dutch friends at FIOD.
Carsten Meywirth, the BKA’s cybercrime chief, delivered the obligatory Bond villain line: “The scale of this operation demonstrates clearly that cybercrimes are being committed on an industrial level.” Translation: the days of hacking from your cousin’s basement are truly over. 🏭
Dr. Benjamin Krause at ZIT mused on the philosophical implications of laundering, confirming that “enforcement” is a thing, presumably between sips of strong coffee. Meanwhile, the onchain vigilante ZachXBT offered this gem:
Exch was used to launder hundreds of millions from the Bybit hack, Multisig hack, Fixedfloat exploit, $243M Genesis Creditor theft, and countless phishing drainer services over the past few years with refusal to block addresses and freeze orders.
In conclusion: if you must swap coins, perhaps don’t advertise on darknet forums, and remember that, in Germany, even digital money has a way of finding itself at the mercy of very serious men in suits. Auf Wiedersehen, Exch. 🚔🍻
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2025-05-09 22:35