Oh, the madness! While the rest of us panic-sell our ETH like it’s a hot potato dipped in chili oil, Bitmine and Sharplink are out here buying like it’s going out of style-or at least until their digital pockets burst. Bitmine, that cheeky little accumulator, is now only 0.24% away from owning 5% of all Ethereum. Congrats! That’s like owning a quarter of Willy Wonka’s chocolate river, but with more spreadsheets.
Bitmine’s ETH Buying Spree: When “No More” Means “Just Five More”
Last week, Bitmine casually scooped up 60,976 ETH, because why not? They’re now sitting on $8.91 billion worth of digital confetti, with 3 million tokens staked to earn rewards. Tom Lee, their Chairman of the (ETH) Jungle, proudly declared they’re “the world’s biggest staker”-which is impressive, unless you count the 12-year-old kid who staked his lunch money on Dogecoin.
But here’s the kicker: Bitmine paid an average of $3,768 per ETH. Ouch. That’s like buying ice cream right before a blizzard. Yet Tom Lee insists we’re in the “late/final stages” of this crypto winter. Tell that to the penguins.
Sharplink: The “Strategic” Sibling Who’s Just Waiting for Clearance
Meanwhile, Sharplink-Ethereum’s answer to the sibling who always brings a thermos to a champagne party-paused their ETH shopping spree last October. They’re still holding 863k ETH at $3,543 each, nursing a $1.3B paper cut. But fear not! They’re “compounding per share” and “generating yield above native staking rates.” In English: they’re trying to make their losses look fancy.
And in a plot twist no one asked for, the Ethereum Foundation (yes, the fourth-richest Ethereum hoarder) decided to stake 70,000 ETH. Took them long enough. Next they’ll tell us water is wet and Richard Harris is a crypto OG.
As we speak, ETH is trading at $2,000, because nothing says “confidence” like a 24-hour price drop. But hey, at least it’s not Bitcoin, which is currently performing like a grumpy llama in a yoga class.
Read More
- Enshrouded: Giant Critter Scales Location
- All Carcadia Burn ECHO Log Locations in Borderlands 4
- Top 10 Must-Watch Isekai Anime on Crunchyroll Revealed!
- All Shrine Climb Locations in Ghost of Yotei
- Deltarune Chapter 1 100% Walkthrough: Complete Guide to Secrets and Bosses
- Best ARs in BF6
- Scopper’s Observation Haki Outshines Shanks’ Future Sight!
- Poppy Playtime 5: Battery Locations & Locker Code for Huggy Escape Room
- Top 8 UFC 5 Perks Every Fighter Should Use
- Keeping Agents in Check: A New Framework for Safe Multi-Agent Systems
2026-03-12 19:12