Crypto Chaos: $48M Vanishes in a Hack! You Won’t Believe Who Did It! 😱💸

So, let me get this straight. The big shot crypto exchange in Iran, Nobitex, just got hacked. And who do we have to thank for this delightful mess? A suspected Israeli group called “Gonjeshke Darande.” Sounds like a fancy name for a bad sitcom, right? 😂

In the middle of all this war-like drama between Iran and Israel, we’ve got a security breach that’s raising eyebrows. I mean, come on! Over $48 million just poof! Gone! Like my patience when someone cuts in line at the deli. 🥪

According to the so-called experts at Onchain Labs, this isn’t their first rodeo. Apparently, “Gonjeshke Darande” has been busy disabling gas stations and messing with banks. It’s like they’re playing a game of “let’s see how much chaos we can create.” What’s next? Hacking my Netflix account? 😤

Behind this hack is a suspected Israeli hacker, “Gonjeshke Darande” @GonjeshkeDarand.

— Onchain Lens (@OnchainLens) June 18, 2025

Now, get this: they detected the hack at 06:24 UTC. Who wakes up that early to steal money? I can barely wake up for breakfast! 🍳 The website and app were shut down faster than you can say “I’ll have a bagel with cream cheese.”

The Nobitex team confirmed it on X, saying they found signs of unauthorized access to one of their hot wallets. Hot wallets? Sounds like a bad idea. I mean, who keeps their cash in a hot tub? 🛁

اطلاعیه در خصوص حادثه امنیتی

صبح امروز ۲۸ خرداد، تیم فنی ما نشانه‌هایی از دسترسی غیرمجاز به بخشی از زیرساخت‌های اطلاع‌رسانی و کیف پول گرم را شناسایی کرده است. بلافاصله پس از تشخیص، تمام دسترسی‌ها متوقف شد و تیم‌های امنیتی داخلی ما در حال بررسی دقیق ابعاد این حادثه هستند.

یادآور…

— Nobitex | نوبیتکس (@nobitexmarket) June 18, 2025

And here’s the kicker: they assure us that users’ assets are “completely secure” because of cold storage standards. Cold storage? Sounds like my ex’s heart. They’re taking full responsibility and promising to compensate users. I mean, how generous! But let’s be real, who’s going to believe that? 🙄

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2025-06-18 11:01