Crypto Chaos: DOJ’s Bold Move Leaves Investors Laughing and Crying 😂💸

In a most curious turn of events, the Department of Justice has decided to lay to rest its crypto crimes unit, a decision that seems to herald a new era of unbridled digital asset freedom, or perhaps just a delightful chaos.

On a rather unremarkable Monday evening, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, in a memo that could rival a Dostoevsky novel for its existential weight, announced the dissolution of the National Cryptocurrency Enforcement Team (NCET). The memo, a four-page masterpiece, revealed that the DOJ would no longer concern itself with the pesky details of cryptocurrency-related offenses. He proclaimed:

“The Department of Justice is not a digital assets regulator. However, the previous Administration employed the Justice Department in a rather reckless game of regulation by prosecution.”

This decision, one might say, aligns perfectly with President Donald Trump’s executive order from January, which sought to recalibrate the federal oversight of digital assets, promising what was described as “regulatory clarity.” Clarity, indeed! Like trying to see through a fogged-up window.

Established in the year of our Lord 2021 under President Joe Biden, the NCET was a curious amalgamation of legal minds from the DOJ’s money laundering and cybercrime sections. They pursued high-profile cases with the fervor of a playwright seeking the perfect ending, including actions against Tornado Cash—a tool for obscuring crypto transactions—and Avraham Eisenberg, who managed to exploit a decentralized trading platform for a staggering $100 million. The team even dabbled in tracing illicit digital funds linked to North Korean operatives, because why not?

Blanche, who once donned the hat of Trump’s criminal defense attorney during the 2024 trial, has now instructed DOJ prosecutors to focus their efforts on “prosecuting individuals who victimize digital asset investors.” A noble cause, indeed! One can only hope they don’t trip over their own feet while chasing after the real criminals.

Caitlin Long, founder of Custodia Bank and a vocal advocate for regulatory reform in the crypto sphere, shared her thoughts on social media platform X, expressing a hope that the DOJ’s cyber unit would be “beefed up.” After all, sophisticated crime fighters are still necessary—especially for property crimes like theft and fraud. She lamented:

“Biden had it upside down: too many regulators but too few law enforcers prosecuting the property crimes. Those regulators seemed more interested in stifling the good actors while letting the scammers run wild.”

“That said,” she continued, “Trump has a chance to right the ship and get the balance right. It’s perfectly fine to reassign the crypto prosecutors to the cyber crimes unit and prioritize the property crimes.” The Trump administration, in its infinite wisdom, has introduced measures favoring crypto development, including a directive to create a federal bitcoin reserve and digital asset stockpile. Trump has grandly promised to make America the bitcoin superpower of the world and the crypto capital of the planet. One can only chuckle at the audacity of it all! 😂

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2025-04-08 22:27