Crypto Collapse: AI Bubble Bursts, Jobs Vanish, and Bitcoin Weeps 😭

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In the suffocating grip of a world gone mad with algorithms and greed, the crypto markets lie prostrate, their once-glittering promises now reduced to ashes.

What to know:

  • Bitcoin, that digital idol, tumbled 4% to $86,100, while ether, its fickle companion, slid 6.7% below $3,000. A pitiful sight, is it not? 🪨
  • The crypto herd follows the equities lemmings off the cliff, as fears of the AI bubble’s collapse and feeble U.S. job prospects batter the Nasdaq. The machines rise, and we fall. 🤖
  • Tokens like XRP, SOL, and ADA teeter on the edge of oblivion, yet whisper of a “short-term bounce.” Hope, that eternal fool, clings to the abyss. 🪂

The crypto market, a once-proud beast, failed to rise from Monday’s slaughter. Bitcoin, now a shadow of its former self, trades 4% lower at $86,100, while ether, ever the drama queen, dropped below $3,000 after a 6.7% plunge in 24 hours. A tragic farce, played out in zeros and ones.

The CoinDesk 20 Index, that barometer of despair, fell 4.3%, its members united in their downward spiral. Traditional markets, too, joined the funeral procession, with the Nasdaq Composite shedding 2.6% on Monday. The AI bubble, that shiny mirage, may burst, and the jobs report looms like a hangman’s noose. The U.S. will reveal its labor wounds on Tuesday-brace yourselves. 🇺🇸

“Consensus forecasts whisper of 50,000 new hires, a paltry sum compared to September’s 119,000,” Derren Nathan, head of equity research at Hargreaves Lansdown, lamented in an email. “But the range of expectations is as wide as a Siberian gulag. If private jobs data is any omen, the axe is already swinging.” 🪓

Crypto, that poor cousin of equities, has been left in the dust since October’s massacre. Liquidity, that lifeblood of markets, has dried up, leaving prices to lurch like a drunkard in the night. 🥃

Derivatives positioning

  • Volmex’s BVIV, that harbinger of turmoil, remains above 50%, foretelling a 2.6% daily swing. Nothing unusual, they say, even as the economic storm clouds gather. 🌩️
  • Exchanges feasted on $660 million in liquidated futures bets, mostly longs. The bulls have been slaughtered, their leverage swept away. 🐂💀
  • Global BTC futures open interest surged above 700K BTC, the highest since Nov. 21. A bearish omen, they say, as shorts pile on like vultures. 🦅
  • XRP’s futures OI climbed to 1.96B XRP, its highest since Oct. 11. The ripple effect, indeed. 🌊
  • The OI-adjusted cumulative volume delta plunged, a scream of selling pressure. The market bleeds. 🩸
  • On Deribit, BTC and ETH put options reign supreme, their premiums fueled by institutional fear. The $85K bitcoin put, a grim favorite, trails only the $100K call. A tale of two nightmares. 🤡
  • Block flows reveal a carnival of despair: put diagonal spreads, put ratio spreads, and straddles. ETH traders, ever the poets, prefer put butterflies. 🦋

Token talk

  • The altcoin market, a wasteland of shattered dreams, awaits its savior. Two months of corrective agony have left it on its knees. 🛐
  • ASTER, ONDO, and STRK lost over 10% in 24 hours, outpacing the market’s descent. A race to the bottom, it seems. 🏎️💨
  • Yet, a glimmer of hope flickers: several tokens are “oversold,” according to the RSI. A bounce, they say, may come before the jobs report. A dead cat’s bounce, perhaps? 🐱
  • XRP, SOL, and ADA approach their support levels, those fragile lifelines. Will they hold, or will the market plunge into the abyss? Only the void knows. 🕳️

In this theater of the absurd, we are all but actors in a tragedy written by fools. The crypto market, once a beacon of hope, now mirrors our own folly. And so we wait, in the cold embrace of uncertainty, for the next act to unfold. 🎭

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2025-12-16 15:28