Crypto Craziness Ensues 🚀

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It appears the Ethereum enthusiasts are at it again, touting the cryptocurrency’s latest “breakthrough” with all the fervor of a revivalist preacher. Crypto analyst Doctor Profit (one wonders if the moniker is a nom de guerre or a genuine medical qualification) has taken to the digital airwaves to proclaim that the altcoin has burst forth from the shackles of its 50-day moving average, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

A Moving Average, How Thrilling

Doctor Profit’s X post (whatever that may be – one assumes it’s a platform for the dissemination of crypto-gospel) declares that after nine weeks of languishing in the doldrums, Ethereum has finally broken free from the 50-day moving average, that great arbiter of crypto-success. This, we are assured, is a Very Good Sign, portending a future of untold riches and boundless growth.

But wait, there’s more! The broader crypto market, that great casino of chance and speculation, has rallied, led by the inimitable Bitcoin, which has reached dizzying new heights. And Ethereum, that plucky also-ran, is expected to follow suit, with the yearly high of $3,600 already within its sights. Why, it’s almost as if the sky’s the limit (or at least $4,000, that great psychological barrier).

Meanwhile, Rekt Capital (one wonders if the name is a clever play on words or a genuine cry for help) has opined that Ethereum’s dominance is on the rise, like a phoenix from the ashes. This, we are assured, is not merely a copy-paste job from the 2019-2020 playbook, but a genuine harbinger of Ethereum’s impending market dominance.

And if that weren’t enough, BitMEX co-founder Arthur Hayes has weighed in with his own prediction, a dizzying $10,000 price target that defies all rational explanation. But hey, who needs reason when you have crypto-mania on your side? 🤪

Altcoin Season, or How to Make a Quick Buck

Mikybull Crypto (one assumes the name is a clever play on words, rather than a genuine bovine affiliation) has taken to the digital airwaves to proclaim that Ethereum is following the Wyckoff re-accumulation schematic (whatever that may be). This, we are assured, will trigger altcoin season, that great speculative free-for-all, in which the unwary and the unwise can make a quick buck (or lose their shirts, depending on the whims of the market).

And if that weren’t enough, Mikybull Crypto has also opined that Bitcoin’s dominance is dumping, even as its price rises. This, we are assured, means something (though what, exactly, is left unclear). Perhaps it’s a sign that the apocalypse is nigh, or that the crypto-market is about to implode in a spectacular display of hubris and greed. Or perhaps it’s just a clever ploy to separate the unwary from their hard-earned cash. 🤑

At the time of writing, Ethereum is trading at a mere $2,988, a paltry sum compared to the dizzying heights predicted by the crypto-prophets. But hey, who needs reality when you have crypto-mania on your side? 🚀

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2025-07-12 03:21