Crypto Markets Tank Again! What The Heck Is Going On? 😳💸

Alright, so the crypto market kicks off the week by diving deep into the red like it just heard its ex is moving on. Almost 2% down in 24 hours. Why? Because everyone suddenly remembered, “Hey, maybe I should take some profits before the SEC starts breathing down my neck.” Yeah, regulators have that special talent for killing party vibes faster than you can say “Solana ETF.” 🙄

The SEC’s 2025 crypto agenda is like that annoying neighbor who won’t stop complaining, making all the big shots like Bitcoin do a little sad dance in the red zone. Bitcoin (BTC) tried to play it cool over the weekend between $115,000 and $116,000-big whoop. Then Monday rolls around and it’s like, “Nah, I’m out,” slipping to $114,293. A whole 1% drop! Ethereum (ETH), trying to act tougher, took a bigger hit. Ripple (XRP) just couldn’t stop slipping, going down more than 4%. Solana (SOL)? Also down 4% and probably crying in the corner. Dogecoin (DOGE) got sold off like last week’s leftovers, hovering at $0.239. Cardano (ADA) and Chainlink (LINK) went full drama queens, down 9% and almost 10%, respectively. And the others? Just along for the sad downhill ride.

Crypto.com’s “Nope, No Leak Here” Denial

Remember when Crypto.com apparently had a little oopsie with a 2023 data leak but acted like it never happened? Yeah, those reports said some hacker group called Scattered Spider managed to sneak into an employee’s account and snatch user info while the company played hide-and-seek with the truth-not cool. Blockchain investigator ZachXBT threw some shade claiming Crypto.com covered it up after multiple breaches. Transparency? What’s that?

Crypto.com’s spokesperson pipes up, waving a “Notice of Data Security incident filing” like a get-out-of-jail-free card. CEO Kris Marszalek took to X (formerly Twitter, or as we call it now, the “why?” platform) to say, “Hey, don’t trust those uninformed sources spreading fake news.” Sure, Kris, we believe you. Everyone does. 🙄

“I want to directly and clearly address some misinformation spreading from uninformed sources… Any suggestion that we did not report or disclose a security incident is completely unfounded, as we reported in a NMLS Notice of Data Security incident filing and in additional reports with the relevant jurisdictional regulators, we detected a phishing campaign that targeted one of our employees in 2023.”

Coinbase: The Bank Killer or Just Dreaming? 🤔

Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong’s idea? Replace boring old banks with a “super app” – like your all-you-can-eat financial buffet, but powered by crypto. No more dealing with banks charging you fees that are basically highway robbery, he says. Payments, credit cards, rewards-all in one shiny, crypto-powered package. Fox Business grilled him and he went all in:

“Yes, we do want to become a super app and provide all types of financial services. We want to become people’s primary financial account, and I think that crypto has the right to do that.”

Yeah, because why not pay 2-3% on credit card swipes? It’s just a little bits-of-data dance across the internet, right? Should be free, like giving away samples at a deli. Imagine that.

“It kind of boggles my mind. Like, why are we paying two to three percent every time we swipe our credit card? It’s just some bits of data flowing over the internet. It should be free or close to it.”

China-Style Stablecoin? Here Come The Dragons 🐉

Financial tech company AnchorX just rolled out the world’s first stablecoin pegged to the Chinese Yuan (CNH). Launched at the swanky Belt and Road Summit in Hong Kong, no less. The token is here to shake things up in international transactions, but good luck using this on the Chinese mainland-sorry, mainlanders, no fun for you.

NFTs Are Back! Somehow They’re Making Bank 🤯

NFT sales jumped 4% to a whopping $109.8 million. Buyer numbers went up by… wait for it… 53%! Sellers blew the roof off, rising 67.19%. Yet, transactions fell by 6.65%. This is like a weird crypto soap opera. Bitcoin hit $115,000, which probably made everyone feel just a little bit better-until the next drama.

Ethereum’s flexing with $46 million in sales (up 42%), Mythos Chain is still chilling in second place with $12.2 million, and Bitcoin limped into third with $10.2 million. Solana’s up 41%, because apparently, it still has fans out there cheering it on.

Bitcoin: Doing The Price Tango 💃

Bitcoin’s been dancing all over the place. Down 2% this session, sneaking around $112,792 after slipping to a low of $111,761. Friday it went below $116,000, because why not keep us all on our toes? It tries to rally on Saturday, but Sunday brings us back to sad town: $115,282.

Why the rollercoaster? Selling pressure from economic uncertainty plus some corporate Bitcoin folks staring at their balance sheets sweating bullets. And if that wasn’t enough, crypto trading firm Praetorian Group International admitted to running a $62 million Ponzi scheme. Yeah, only $62 million, what a lightweight!

Then there’s Fed Chair Jerome Powell, throwing Cold Water™ on hopes for aggressive rate cuts. The whole market’s basically waiting for a sign like it’s the ending of a bad TV show.

“The retest of $114k (black) into support continues to be successful, but there is resistance at ~$117.2k (blue). This makes for a range-bound construction, and we’ll soon find out how weak or strong a resistance $117.2k really is.”

“Very little happening indeed. It’s now the 4th weekend in a row where we have seen little volatility and likely no gap being created. We’ll see where this goes next week. Main short-term levels for me to watch are $112K & $118K.”

And the cycle continues-ups, downs, and sideways moves. It’s like crypto’s version of Groundhog Day, only without Bill Murray’s charm.

Ethereum: The Drama Continues 😬

Ethereum’s getting hit harder than your grandma’s Thanksgiving turkey after too much salt. Down over 6% today, flirting with $4,083. The whole market got rocked by $1.5 billion in liquidations Monday-yeah, $1.5 billion! That’s like crypto’s version of a breakup binge-watching session.

More than 407,000 traders got liquidated in 24 hours. That’s not a typo. Liquidations happen when someone borrows way too much money and the market pulls the rug, hard. Cue the panic selling.

“The market’s trajectory hinges critically on upcoming economic data and Fed signals. This macro uncertainty is likely to maintain Bitcoin’s dominance, potentially capping the upside for Ethereum and the broader DeFi sector despite their superior yield opportunities.”

Ethereum’s weekend looked like a see-saw at a theme park run by overly enthusiastic kids. Up, down, sideways, and down again, currently chilling just above $4,100 because why not add some spice? 🎢

Solana: The Comeback That’s Taking a Nap 💤

Solana’s down nearly 7%, proving that weekend gains are about as stable as my uncle’s dating life. It flirted with $250, then said “nah, I’m good” and slid back down.

But hey, don’t count Solana out. Institutional big shots keep piling in-apparently, they love the drama and volatility like it’s a Netflix original. SOL treasuries now hold over 17 million coins, worth about $4.3 billion. That’s a lot of faith, or a lot of people betting against common sense.

The week was a rollercoaster, with highs flirting above $249 and lows dragging in the low $210s. It’s basically the crypto equivalent of “I can quit anytime I want” followed by “maybe tomorrow…”

Ripple (XRP): The Rocky Rollercoaster 🎢

XRP showed some optimism last weekend, hitting highs over $3.10, but of course, reality hit and it couldn’t hold. It’s like that friend who promises they’ll show up on time but never does. Sellers swooped in, prices dropped below $3, then clawed back a tiny bit just to keep you guessing.

This week’s been a mixed bag: some recovery, some falls. Now it’s hanging out around $2.82, trying to figure out if it should stay strong or just tap out.

Near Protocol (NEAR): The Little Engine That Can… or Can It? 🚂

NEAR dropped 3.6% last weekend like it forgot its lines in the middle of a play. It bounced around, hitting a nice $3.34 high, then decided to settle closer to $2.88 lately.

It’s like watching someone trying desperately to hold a plank in exercise class-looks good for a second, then it all falls apart. Will the bulls keep pushing? Or is this a slow fade into obscurity? Stay tuned for the drama next week!

2025-09-22 16:23