Crypto Scam? Oh, Darling, How Dreadful! 💸

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Well, really! It appears one Vincent Anthony Mazzotta Jr. – a name, I confess, doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue – has elected to confess to a spot of financial… *irregularity*. Thirteen million dollars, you say? Pilfered from those frightfully gullible investors with promises of artificial intelligence and, get this, a fake government agency! Honestly, the sheer audacity! 🙄

The American Department of Justice, ever so serious, announced on Monday that Mr. Mazzotta admitted to constructing these fictitious investment firms, all powered by illusory AI bots, naturally. One does wonder where they found the chaps to believe such nonsense.

He’s rather unwisely pleaded guilty to money laundering and obstructing justice – a distinctly inconvenient combination, carrying a possible sentence of fifteen years. Rather a long weekend, wouldn’t you agree? Though whether the judge will actually impose it remains to be seen. Judges are such unpredictable creatures.

This all came about, it seems, in connection to one David Saffron, who steadfastly maintains his innocence. A man of principle, perhaps? Or merely…optimistic? He’s due for a trial, poor fellow.

And then there’s Mr. Kagel, who’s escaped with a mere five years’ probation and a smidge of restitution (a paltry $13.9 million…one truly pities the man.)

A Phony Bureaucracy, My Dear!

Apparently, our Mr. Mazzotta was rather fond of establishing businesses – Mind Capital and Cloud9Capital, to name but a few – through which he absconded with investors’ funds. But the pièce de résistance? The creation of a completely bogus government agency, “The Federal Crypto Reserve”! He then had the nerve to charge victims for investigating his own disappearing act. Positively Shakespearean! 🎭

Tyler Hatcher of the IRS – a gentleman who clearly has a sense of humour – observed that attempting to masquerade as a “US governmental entity” merely draws the attention of, well, actual governmental entities. Such a surprise. 🤷

Lavish Living on Other People’s Fortunes

It transpires that the ill-gotten gains weren’t exactly left languishing in a bank vault. Private jets, luxury hotels, mansions, personal chefs… really, the extravagance! One assumes the champagne flowed freely. The defendants, operating under names like Circle Society and Omicron Trust, displayed a flagrant disregard for good taste, if nothing else.

And the aliases! Mazzotta was “Anthony,” “Delta Prime,” and, rather grandly, “Director Vinchenzo.” Saffron preferred “David Gilbert,” “Dave Gabe,” “The Blue Wizard,” and – I kid you not – “Bitcoin Yoda.” Honestly! Does the man have no sense of dignity? 🧙

“Bitcoin Yoda” Faces the Music

It seems Mazzotta took something of a proactive stance in trying to tidy up things for Mr. Saffron, destroying an iPad and falsifying records. A most untidy affair. Saffron, currently enjoying an extended stay courtesy of the American justice system, will face trial on September 16th, charged with a veritable mountain of offenses.

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2025-07-30 05:58