Markets
A revelation for the damned souls of finance:
- Bitcoin, that mercurial specter of speculation, falls not from fear or hope, but from the cold calculus of mechanics-a cruel puppet master, this Greg Cipolaro of NYDIG declares. The engines of desire? Reversed, like a carriage hurtling backward into the abyss. 💸
- Spot ETFs, once fountains of gold, now bleed investors dry ($3.55 billion vanished in November alone). Stablecoins, those paper promises of stability, crumble like stale bread. Capital flees, dear reader, as if the very soil of crypto reeks of sulfur. 🚀
- Cipolaro, that soothsayer of swings, warns: the road ahead is paved with volatility. Clutch your pearls-or your portfolios-for the long-term thesis remains, but the journey? A carnival ride designed by Kafka. 🧨
Bitcoin, that capricious siren, plunges to $84,000 not from the frailty of human hearts, but from the iron grip of mechanics, whispers Greg Cipolaro, the Hamlet of hedge funds. The engines that lifted it to the heavens in 2024-25? Now grinding to a halt, like a clockwork beast with rusted gears. The report, a dirge for the digital age, mourns the death of demand.
Spot bitcoin ETFs, once the Midas touch for every fool with a keyboard, now vomit cash into the void. These golden geese laid billions in the first half of the year, yet now-betrayal!-their flows curdle into negative numbers. Five days of shame, trailing like a scarlet letter.
SoSoValue, that oracle of bytes, prophesies: November will crown the ETFs’ record for outflows, $3.55 billion lost-mere pennies shy of February’s $3.56 billion apocalypse. A race to the bottom, where even the winners lose. 🏁
A Flight of Souls
Stablecoins, those paper talismans of “stability,” tremble. Supply dips for the first time in moons, and USDE, that algorithmic chimera, melts away half its essence since October’s liquidation massacre. Cipolaro, stroking his chin like Dostoevsky’s own Raskolnikov, declares: “This is no mere retreat. It is a crusade of capital fleeing the devil’s playground.”
“When USDE collapsed to $0.65 on Binance, it was not a stumble-it was a confession,” he scribbles in the margins of his ledger. “The exodus is not to the sidelines, but to the grave. Capital departs with the urgency of a man fleeing a burning cathedral.”
Other omens abound. Corporate treasuries, once drunk on DAT share premiums, now sober up to discounts. Firms that issued stock to buy bitcoin now sell assets or repurchase shares. Sequans, that tragic fool, dumped BTC to pay debts this month. How the mighty scramble!
“Yet no DAT drowns,” Cipolaro muses, almost wistfully. “Leverage is modest, interest manageable, dividends suspendable. They are the cockroaches of finance-ugly, but unkillable.”
Even grand purchases by Strategy and El Salvador failed to halt the slide. “That these Hail Mary passes did not slow the fall?” Cipolaro sneers. “Tell me, does the sun pity Icarus?”
The Oct. 10 liquidation shock, that $19 billion guillotine, set it all in motion. Mechanisms that once lifted prices now drag them to hell-a feedback loop of despair. The market, once a lover, becomes a torturer.
Cipolaro’s advice? “Hope for paradise, but pack a parachute.” The long-term dream flickers, but the near-term? A carnival of chaos. “History,” he sighs, “is a drunkard stumbling through cycles. Only the secular faithful survive.”
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2025-11-24 00:22