Desperate Tweets & Dwindling Patience: Trump Begs Powell for a Rate Cut—Again! 😂

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Somewhere at the marble heart of America, a report crawled out—one quarterly ghost among countless others—bearing the news: the Value of All Things (that is, GDP) had swelled by 3%. The number, flashed across every glowing tele-screen, seemed almost designed to make men forget the grey arithmetic of last winter’s figures.

Not one to let good news go unmilked, the President, that cheerful maestro of repetition and thunderous tweets, wasted neither breath nor capital. No sooner did the numbers arrive than Mr. Trump bellowed—again, again!—for the Federal Reserve to cut the sacred interest rates, like a czar pounding his fist for more caviar at a rationed banquet. 🇺🇸💼

Of course, in Q1, the nation’s industrialists—never ones to trust a sound bite—had stockpiled with the frantic paranoia of prisoners collecting crumbs before a long Siberian winter. The tariffs, that ever-looming specter, had forced their hands as thoroughly as any hungry commissar. The result: a stunted economic spring.

Now, in Q2, the ledger showed its teeth: the importers had drawn back, the warehouse shadows grew thin, and 3% appeared, sturdy and smug. Experts—those eternal wisemen of hindsight—had murmured about 2%. And CNN, who reports everything with the drama of a Tolstoyan death scene, looked very surprised indeed.

This 3% uptick gave Mr. Trump yet another cudgel with which to intimidate Jerome Powell, the long-suffering Chairman, into carving away at those precious rates. In the last quarter, GDP had slumped by -0.5%, the first such stumble in a triennial stretch! Trump sniffed the air: “Cut, cut I say!” (Alas, the man dreams of historic rate cuts the way a peasant dreams of bread.)

TRUMP: 2Q GDP JUST OUT, WAY BETTER THAN EXPECTED

— *Walter Bloomberg (@DeItaone) July 30, 2025

His fingers have grown strong from pressing Powell, if nothing else. But even “the most significant rate cut in the history of 3 basis points” wobbles under the weight of cryptocurrency speculation and eternal headlines.

Meanwhile, Bitcoin, that orphan child of Wild Capitalism, listens to every rate murmur as if it were the whisper of a benevolent stepfather. Momentum thrives in rumor’s shadow, and though BTC has not soared beyond the all-time high, $123,000 remains a mysterious foe waiting on the horizon—perhaps for the next round of monetary madness. Experts waggle their fingers, opine on what a cut might bring, but the great FOMC gathering looms, unlikely to hand out any gifts today. Not even an emoji or a commemorative coin. 📉🙃

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2025-07-30 16:07