Dogecoin About To Blast Us With 100M New Tokens—What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

So, picture this: Dogecoin, our favorite meme-currency that once sponsored a NASCAR, truly believes in generosity. “Why stop at a fixed number of coins?”, Dogecoin asks, “when you can have infinite? Infinite coins! Candy for everyone! Fields of DOGE!”

Naturally, this policy hasn’t been great for demand. Supply keeps swelling like my inbox after my ex texts me “u up?” at 2 AM. Still, we play along. And this week’s fun? Another tidal wave of coins is rolling in. Just when we thought it couldn’t get any more, well, Doge.

In 7 Days, DOGE Holders Prepare to be Drowned

Crypto reporter Wu Blockchain leapt onto X (because apparently “Twitter” sounded too friendly) to deliver the news: brace yourselves, a DOGE deluge is coming. And it’s happening over a whole week—which, in crypto time, is basically seven years.

Get this: 96.52 million Dogecoins unlock over seven days, like that one scene in every zombie movie where the horde overruns the fences. That’s about $3.41 million worth of DOGE per day. Every. Single. Day. You better hope your wallet swims.

End of the week? Dogecoin’s supply bumps by 0.06%. Yes, that number looks tiny. It’s the kind of growth that wouldn’t impress your grandmother. But in meme world, these things can spook the herd. Hello, brief panic. Hello, possible price dip. Because, of course—the market’s delicate and dramatic. Was anyone really surprised?

Despite all this: DOGE is currently hanging tough above $0.22. Bulls are apparently still having their moment. If buying pressure stays up, we might just breeze through this avalanche of coins with no price drama at all. Wouldn’t that be a twist?

The Token Unlock Circus: Not Just Doge’s Problem

Dogecoin isn’t hogging the spotlight. This is a group performance. Aptos, Avalanche, Arbitrum—they’re all doing their own unlock numbers, some over $30 million in value. It’s cliff after cliff after cliff, like a crypto version of Wipeout.

And because the world needed more drama: $10.30 million in MELANIA tokens are also getting liberated. Those tokens are apparently inspired by the former First Lady (sure, why not)—and they’ve spent most of their brief existence going down. How poetic.

But wait, there’s more! The real grand unlock champion is Solana: 455,770 SOL (about $81.84 million) is busting loose. Worldcoin offers up a modest $48 million unlock. Celeste contributes $22 million, surely hoping someone will care. And right behind—cue confetti—Dogecoin with its plucky $22.75 million.

It’s a dazzling weekly spectacle. Will the markets collapse? Will they shrug? Tune in next week, same DOGE time, same DOGE channel. Or just buy popcorn. 🍿🐕

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2025-05-13 16:59