Dorsey’s Block BUSTED! 😱 $40M Fine?!

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Ah, Moscow! I mean, New York! Seems even the most modern of digital payment empires, one Block Inc., has found itself entangled in the sticky web of regulation. A sum of $40 million – a mere trifle, surely, for such a behemoth – has been offered as a sacrifice to the New York regulators. A settlement, they call it. As if money can truly settle the restless souls of compliance officers. 😈

The New York Department of Financial Services (NYDFS), a bureaucratic hydra with eyes in every dark corner of the financial world, has apparently taken issue with Cash App’s Anti-Money Laundering (AML) and cryptocurrency compliance shenanigans. Oh, the horror! The government agency, after much clandestine reviewing of consent orders (one imagines by candlelight, in a dusty archive), has deemed Block guilty, or at least, naughty. 🧐

It appears Block, in its relentless pursuit of profit, may have stumbled over a few…consumer protection laws. Due diligence, that tedious dance of paperwork and suspicion, was allegedly lacking. And suspicious transactions! Reported too slowly, like a samovar boiling over while the guests are already seated. And Bitcoin (BTC), that darling of libertarians and rogues alike, was not screened with sufficient vigor. A scandal! 🤪

Block, with a shrug that could only be described as “neither admitting nor denying,” confirmed a collaboration with NYDFS to “resolve” the matter. A past compliance program, they say. As if compliance is something one can simply leave behind, like a discarded balalaika. 🙄

Founded by internet entrepreneur and Bitcoin enthusiast Jack Dorsey in 2009, Block, like a character in a grand, absurd play, has been haggling with the NYDFS since last year. SEC filings, those cryptic scrolls, hinted at this impending doom. One can almost hear the faint strains of a mournful accordion. 🎻

This $40 million is not the first offering Block has made to the gods of regulation this year. An earlier fine of $80 million, paid to various state regulators, suggested a pattern. A pattern of…well, let’s just say Block is keeping the regulatory bodies well-fed. 😼

Block Remains in Growth Mode

Despite these regulatory skirmishes, Block’s underlying business flourishes. Revenues have swollen by a modest 4.5% to $6.03 billion, while per-share earnings have leapt by 51% to $0.71. An impressive feat, considering the looming specter of audits and fines. 🎉

The merchant gross payment volume, that measure of all things monetary, has also seen a 10% increase, reaching $61.95 billion. The wheels of commerce continue to turn, grinding out profits even as the regulators circle. 🤑

And Cash App! That wondrous invention continues to be a fountain of growth, with a gross profit of $1.38 billion in the fourth quarter. A veritable river of money, flowing through the digital arteries of the modern world. 💰

More than 57 million monthly transacting users! A teeming mass of consumers, exchanging digital rubles with abandon. The revolution, it seems, will be funded by convenience. 🤩

Since 2018, Cash App users have been able to dabble in the volatile world of Bitcoin. And in 2023, the integration of TaxBit, a crypto accounting software, has made the onerous task of tax reporting slightly less painful. A small mercy in a world of constant audits and bureaucratic scrutiny. 😇

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2025-04-10 21:38