In a move that would make even the most reckless Wall Street broker blush, Florida legislators have proposed stuffing state coffers with Bitcoin-because nothing says “fiscal responsibility” like gambling taxpayer money on internet tokens. 🤡
- Florida’s latest legislative brainchild (HB 183 and SB 1038) seeks to create a “Strategic Bitcoin Reserve”-because clearly, the state’s existing reserves lacked sufficient volatility. 📉
- Up to 10% of Florida’s funds-including pensions, because retirees love surprises-could be funneled into Bitcoin, ETFs, and other digital wizardry. Abracadabra! ✨
- Not to be outdone by Arizona, Texas, and New Hampshire, Florida joins the race to see which state can bankrupt itself fastest using blockchain technology. 🏁
With the subtlety of a bull in a crypto exchange, Representatives Webster Barnaby and Joe Gruters have narrowed their digital asset ambitions-focusing solely on Bitcoin and SEC-approved ETFs this time (a rare moment of restraint). The bills will be debated in 2026, giving Floridians ample time to reconsider. Or not. 🧐
Because Nothing Says “Stable Investment” Like Bitcoin
The proposed framework generously allows Florida’s Chief Financial Officer to play hedge fund manager, dumping state funds into “digital gold” (a term Bitcoin enthusiasts use to distract from its tendency to crash spectacularly). Funds at risk include the General Revenue Fund, the Budget Stabilization Fund (ironic, isn’t it?), and-because why not?-the Florida Retirement System Trust Fund. Grandma’s pension meets meme coins. 💸
The legislation insists digital assets must be held “responsibly”-either by the CFO himself (what could go wrong?), through a licensed custodian (assuming one still exists post-crash), or via ETFs (because Wall Street always has everyone’s best interests at heart). Floridians may also pay taxes in crypto, though the state will immediately convert it to dollars-because even bureaucrats know when to cash out. 💰
If passed, the law takes effect July 1, 2026-coincidentally, around the time Bitcoin’s next boom-bust cycle should be in full swing. Supporters cite a 2025 federal executive order as inspiration, proving that bad ideas, like colds, are contagious. 🤧
CFO Jimmy Patronis, ever the optimist, calls Bitcoin “digital gold”-a charming euphemism for “asset that loses half its value overnight.” Still, he insists diversification is key. After all, why settle for boring old Treasury bonds when you can ride the crypto rollercoaster? 🎢
Florida now trails Arizona, Texas, and New Hampshire in the Great State Bitcoin Experiment-a race with no winners, only varying degrees of financial ruin. Whatever the outcome, one thing is certain: future historians will have a field day. 📜
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2026-01-08 12:39