It has long been observed, with the inevitability of trains running late in a Russian winter, that institutions—these bleak palaces of capitalist thought—employ battalions of analysts and bankers much as the Napoleonic armies deployed regiments, pressing forth with spreadsheets instead of sabres. Their funds, adorned with the swagger of being called ‘smart money,’ move markets not with intellect, but with sheer, ponderous volume, as if trying to bludgeon fortune into submission.
In this somber ballet of finance, Goldman Sachs, eternally unsatisfied with being runner-up, has plunged with characteristic bravado into BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT)—because, truly, nothing shouts tradition like an investment bank embracing digital currency. According to a morose tome known as the SEC filing, Goldman Sachs has hoarded Spot Bitcoin ETF holdings from a modest 24 million to the more decadent 30.8 million shares in the first quarter of 2025. Picture it: over $1.5 billion, all quietly humming in cyberspace, rather than in some dusty vault or under a Russian mattress.
Thus, Goldman Sachs unseats Brevan Howard—formerly the princeling, now rendered serf—with a mere 25.5 million shares (a paltry $1.2 billion, which in these circles probably barely buys one a nice dacha).
The institutional love affair with Bitcoin, which started with all the heat and skepticism of a Moscow winter courtship, now burns as brightly as black bread in a peasant oven. BlackRock’s ETF inflows, swollen like a count’s ego, have risen to $44.7 billion, while the Fidelity Wise Origin Bitcoin Fund (FBTC) attracts $11.7 billion—numbers so large they barely fit through the icy gates of reason, according to the chroniclers at Farside Investors.
Recently, Goldman Sachs, never shy about cataclysms, foretold a 45% chance of U.S. recession within the next year—a forecast as cheerful as Russian literature itself. Naturally, when panic is nigh, the best hedge is, of course, to purchase intangibles: Bitcoin! To shield oneself from inflation and economic blizzards, why not seek refuge in code?
In days gone by—say, 2020—the mere mention of Bitcoin in these hallowed boardrooms was enough to send senior partners scurrying for the vodka. Then arrived MicroStrategy and Tesla brandishing their crypto as if it were the family samovar, and now, lo, even the most jaded investment banks have followed suit. The 2024 arrival of spot Bitcoin ETFs has delivered Bitcoin to every last noble and ne’er-do-well on Wall Street.
The so-called ‘smart money’—that valiant army—has trotted a path familiar to all: first, they ignored crypto; then, they ridiculed it; then, when no one was looking, they bought the dip; and now, with great conviction, they simply buy everything. (Truly, an inspiring tale for the ages. Next chapter: Tolstoy’s War and Cryptocurrency.) 🪙🍸
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2025-05-10 17:43