Gov Shutdown? Crypto Bill’s 90% Done! 🚀

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Oh, the irony! While the government is shut down, the Senate is working hard-on crypto legislation, of course. How very convenient. “Even though the government is shut down, the Senate is working hard on getting market structure legislation passed for crypto,” Brian Armstrong said, as if the Capitol weren’t more chaotic than a Wildean comedy of errors. 🎭

Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong, ever the optimist, claims the legislative framework is “90% there,” leaving the remaining 10% to squabble over decentralized finance. One might ask: what’s the point of a 10% disagreement if the other 90% is already a masterpiece of bureaucratic nonsense? 🤯

“Centralized intermediaries, like Coinbase, should be regulated-not the protocols,” he insists, as if the protocols weren’t the ones secretly running the show. And let us not forget the GENIUS Act, which, in its infinite wisdom, tries to protect stablecoins. The banks, of course, are “panicking” over the prospect of yielding returns. How dare they! 🤬

“The big banks are coming for their cash grab, trying to block that,” Armstrong warns, as if the banks hadn’t been cashing checks since the dawn of time. “We’re not going to let them re-litigate that.” Oh, how thrilling. A battle of wits between crypto moguls and bankers-how original. 🎩

Banking lobby pushback on the GENIUS Act

The Bank Policy Institute, ever the drama queen, claims the GENIUS Act has a “loophole” allowing interest payments. How dare crypto exchanges like Coinbase profit from stablecoins? The audacity! 🤡

“The requirements in the GENIUS Act can be easily evaded,” they whine, as if the law weren’t already a patchwork of contradictions. And here we thought the banking lobby was just a bunch of tired old men. How wrong we were. 🎭

CryptoMoon reports that bankers are “panicking” over stablecoins. How droll. One might say they’re simply jealous of the innovation-if they weren’t too busy sipping champagne and drafting lawsuits. 🍾

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2025-10-24 00:22