Government’s Crypto Shopping List: Spoiler Alert – It’s Empty! 🛒🚫

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In a twist that could only be described as a cosmic joke played by the universe, financial commentator Peter Schiff has declared that the government will not be indulging in a shopping spree for ETH, XRP, ADA, or SOL. Apparently, the government has decided that its crypto wallet will remain as empty as a Vogon’s poetry book. 📚

“While it’s up for debate whether the government can buy more Bitcoin for the strategic reserve,” Schiff mused, “the one thing the executive order makes clear is that the crypto stockpile will consist only of seized tokens. So, no ETH, XRP, ADA, or SOL will be bought.” It’s almost as if the government is saying, “We prefer our cryptocurrencies like we prefer our coffee: black and seized.” ☕️

Bitcoiners, those optimistic creatures of the digital realm, have been showering praise on this reserve initiative, as it clearly distinguishes the flagship cryptocurrency from its less popular cousins. It’s like saying, “We’ll take the Ferrari, but the rest of you can just sit in the back of the bus.” 🚌💨

The U.S. government is currently sitting on a veritable treasure trove of nearly 200,000 BTC, thanks to a series of unfortunate events known as seizures. They’re keeping the door ajar for future purchases, but those will likely require a congressional approval process that’s slower than a three-toed sloth on a lazy Sunday. 🦥

As for the altcoins? They’ll be tucked away in a separate “stockpile,” which sounds suspiciously like a place where forgotten toys go to die. The government has made it abundantly clear that no additional tokens will be purchased for this stockpile. It’s like being told you can have cake, but only if it’s the cake that nobody wants. 🎂🚫

In a previous episode of “What Were They Thinking?”, XRP, ADA, SOL, and ETH were supposed to be part of a “crypto reserve.” This announcement sent the prices of these tokens soaring, only to be met with a backlash that could rival a poorly received sitcom pilot. 📺

However, the mystery remains: how on Earth (or any other planet) is the government going to acquire XRP tokens? Given that only forfeited tokens can join the stockpile, and since no XRP has been forfeited by the U.S. government, it seems we’re left with a riddle wrapped in an enigma, served with a side of confusion. 🤔

But fear not! The U.S. government does hold approximately $176 million worth of ETH and $27 million worth of BNB. So, at least they have some shiny digital coins to play with while they figure out the rest. 💰

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2025-03-07 12:01