Investors Ditch Crypto for AI: Who Will Win in This Swan-Feathered Duel?

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Lo! In this age most peculiar, the worlds of blockchain and artificial intelligence doth collide, much like two donkeys at a village fête. Monsieur Ben Goertzel, with his wig of wisdom, declaims (from a suitably elevated chair) that if AI must rule, let it be with head unbowed and decentralized — for what is tyranny if not one artificial mind lording above the rest? 🤖🗣️

Not to be outdone, the World Economic Forum (a grand assembly, renowned for its love of expensive biscuits) hath murmured in 2024: “Synergies betwixt spatial computing, blockchain, and AI shall elevate our experience, and make even the buying of cabbages a digital ballet.”

Enter, stage left, M. Andreessen, crypto’s own Cassandra-in-chief: “Control the AI, or be banished to the land of irrelevance! Behold, the United States and China, locked in a Cold War of circuits, each seeking to outmuscle the other while the rest of us watch from the cheap seats, clutching single coins and hope.”

The Web Summit of Vancouver — a veritable Olympus for tech demigods — did witness yours truly moderating a panel. Imagine me, whip in hand (metaphorically, of course) wrangling titans of venture: George Mathew of Insight Partners, Cathy Gao of Sapphire Ventures, and JP Sanday of Menlo Ventures. The stakes? The deepest mysteries of that eternal goose chase: AI investment at the base layer!

Who Wins the Purse in This Carnival of Coins?

At this summit of bluster and hope, my panel discussed why this “sudden” flood of AI investment is as sudden as the yearly arrival of taxes, why generative AI is having its own debutante ball, and which speculative ventures might someday justify a yacht. Crypto? Alas, ignored like a philosopher at a tavern, yet the innovation parade marches on, promising blockchain a turn at the maypole.

George and JP waxed lyrical about the US-China rivalry (imagine two cockerels, but with more data centers); Cathy, with a financier’s poise, observed that startup valuations now rise and fall faster than a lawyer’s reputation.

The Age of AI: Crypto’s Supper Is Eaten (With Gusto!)

For all the prattle of AI and crypto as bedfellows, venture capitalists have cast their roses at AI with theatrical abandon. April’s numbers, served courtesy of PitchBook: nearly 60% of global venture capital, $73 billion, is hurled at AI startups, while crypto sits the bench, muttering about the glory days.

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Of AI Bankers and Robo-Coiners

Sean Neville (Circle co-founder and brave harbinger of fiscal disruption) hath raised $18 million to launch Catena Labs, which aspires to be an “AI-native financial institution.” Translation? A bank run by algorithms in powdered wigs, no less. (Coming soon: AI loan officers, who judge not the cover, but your training data.)

The firm, with Andreessen Horowitz behind it, vaunts itself as a sanctuary for the AI-driven economy, regulated and — one presumes — amused by traditional banks clutching their ledgers in horror.

McKinsey and EY, never ones to understate, tout the power of AI in finance while noting the concept of “AI-native” banks has not yet been properly lampooned.

Catena Labs, sword unsheathed, claims the sun is setting on traditional finance, which is about as ready for AI as a courtier for peasant work.

Sean Neville intones, “AI agents will soon conduct most economic transactions!” (One can only imagine an AI negotiating for cheaper wigs and fewer overdrafts.)

Solana and the Decentralized Dreamers

Meanwhile, Nous Research has convinced investors to toss $50 million onto the blockchain-come-AI bonfire. The mission? Build decentralized AI atop Solana. Paradigm leads the charge, valuing Nous at $1 billion — doubtless in the hope that decentralization will at last free us from centralized overlords and their love of paperwork.

Nous offers incentives for open-source model development — think villagers at a festival, baking a neural network together! Their rivals: OpenAI, DeepSeek, and any enterprise bored of answering customer service emails. Paradigm’s Arjun Balaji assures us this model will outwit the centralized dullards, though whether this is prophecy or farce remains to be seen.

Crypto Biz: For your weekly fix of crypto comedies and blockchain dramas — delivered with more reliability than a Parisian postman. Thursdays, whether you wish it or not! 🎭

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2025-06-20 23:56