Is the Dollar Getting Dumped? BRICS Plots Currency Coup 🚀💸

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Somewhere in the multiverse, the U.S. dollar is having an existential crisis while BRICS members order piña coladas with anything but Washington’s favorite green paper. In a flailing panic worthy of a towel-less hitchhiker, Western financial overlords gaze nervously as payment systems evolve beyond their grasp, and a new galaxy of currencies emerges with the audacity of Vogons reciting poetry: relentless, unexpected, and requiring everyone else to adjust their translators.

Lavrov: “Goodbye Dollar, Hello Whatever Else We Find in Our Wallets”

Sergey Lavrov—who last giggled in public during the Cold War—recently pointed out that BRICS members increasingly use their own currencies for buying, selling, and presumably splitting brunch bills. During an April 28 interview with Brazil’s O Globo (not to be confused with Globo Gym, although both are intent on global domination), Lavrov channeled his inner intergalactic financial architect, stressing the need for “resilient settlement systems.” According to Tass, he elaborated:

We have been working within BRICS to ensure that there are no disruptions when carrying out payments and have been quite effective in our efforts.

In this spirit of cosmic progress, Lavrov revealed that in 2024, a whopping 90% of Russia’s transactions within BRICS are now settled in the rouble or other local currencies. This is especially impressive if you consider Russia’s prior devotion to hoarding dollars like a squirrel with a nut allergy.

We can come back to the question about a common currency or a single payment unit for BRICS once the necessary financial and economic conditions are in place.

Meanwhile, Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, never one to pass up an opportunity to sound like a financial fortune cookie, added that BRICS is currently more interested in setting up investment platforms in third countries, rather than racing headlong into the warm embrace of monetary union. His comments came after President Trump threatened tariffs if BRICS ditched the dollar—a move that surely sent the group running to the safety of their… calculators?

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2025-04-30 04:58