JPMorgan’s Dimon: Buy Bitcoin, But Don’t Expect Us to Babysit It! 😂

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Ah, dear friends! Gather ’round as I regale you with the latest folly from the esteemed Jamie Dimon, the grand poobah of JPMorgan! It appears that soon, the fine patrons of his bank shall be permitted to purchase the elusive Bitcoin, yet, lo and behold, they shall not be entrusted with its safekeeping! 🏦💰

“We are going to allow you to buy it,” proclaimed Dimon at the annual gathering of investors on the 19th of May. “We’re not going to custody it. We’re going to put it in statements for clients.” A most curious arrangement, indeed! 📜

As reported by the ever-watchful CNBC, our dear Dimon has not shied away from expressing his skepticism regarding these digital coins, likening them to tools of nefarious deeds—money laundering, sex trafficking, and even terrorism! Oh, the drama! 🎭

“I don’t think you should smoke, but I defend your right to smoke. I defend your right to buy Bitcoin,” he quipped, as if he were a philosopher of the highest order! 💨

Furthermore, it seems JPMorgan shall now offer its clients access to Bitcoin exchange-traded funds (ETFs), a move that has been whispered about in the corridors of finance. Until now, they have been rather shy, dabbling only in futures-based products, avoiding the direct embrace of these digital assets. 🧐

Meanwhile, the rival Morgan Stanley has also decided to join the fray, offering spot Bitcoin ETFs to those deemed worthy. The adoption of these ETFs in the US has been nothing short of a spectacle, with nearly $42 billion flowing in since their inception in January 2024! 💸

Dimon’s Bitcoin Bashing History

Our protagonist, Dimon, has long been a critic of Bitcoin, branding it a scam and expressing his utter disinterest in acquiring it back in 2018. During the crypto bull market of 2021, he even went so far as to declare it “worthless.” Such strong words! 🔥

“I’ve always been deeply opposed to crypto, Bitcoin, etc.,” he stated during a Senate Banking Committee hearing in 2023. “The only true use case for it is criminals, drug traffickers, money laundering, tax avoidance.” A most colorful perspective! 🎨

“If I were the government, I’d close it down,” he boldly declared, as if he were the sovereign ruler of the realm! 👑

At the 2024 World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, Dimon referred to Bitcoin as “the pet rock,” a rather amusing analogy, especially after the asset had soared past the $100,000 mark for the first time! 🐾

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2025-05-20 05:10