Man Poses as Secret Agent, Steals Millions—Plot Thicker Than a New York Deli Sandwich

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Picture it: Utah, 2018. Santiago Garcia Gutierrez is playing the role of a lifetime—a confidential informant for Homeland Security AND a high-falutin’ attorney. Talk about multitasking! This guy’s wearing more hats than a Broadway wardrobe department.

For the next couple years, Gutierrez reels in over $2.8 million from one especially unlucky victim. How? He promises government-seized luxury cars, yachts, maybe even a submarine or two (for when traffic really gets bad). “Trust me,” he says, “I work for the government!” That sound you hear? Every con artist in history slow-clapping from the afterlife.

Keeping up the charade, he sends text messages from so many numbers, I’m shocked he didn’t run out of burner phones. With all these characters he’s playing, who needs Hollywood? We’ve got the Utah One-Man Fraud Parade! 🎭

Not satisfied with a solo act, Gutierrez rounds up eight more investors from 2019 to 2024 and pitches “oil wells.” Not Beverly Hillbillies oil, more like “if you believe this, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn” oil. The investors receive about as much oil as you’d get from a salad spinner—zero. 💸

Turns out, Gutierrez preferred spending their money on himself instead of paying Uncle Sam or, you know, giving it back. Who needs profits when you can have private jets and luxury massages?

The final act: our not-so-friendly neighborhood fraudster gets slapped with nine years in the clink and a hefty tab—$3.7 million in restitution, not to mention $2.85 million he’s gotta fork over. That’s a lot of bagels—and no cream cheese!

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2025-07-27 18:41