Mysterious Bitcoin Miracle: Earn 5% Yield and Laugh Out Loud! 🤣💰

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In a most absurd twist of fate, the venerable Hermetica—the fabled mint of Bitcoin-backed stablecoins—has entered into a union with the enigmatic Velar of Bitcoin L2 Stacks. It is said, with a mixture of mystical jest and calculated ambition, that henceforth the humble users of Velar’s PerpDex may indulge in trading Bitcoin perpetual futures whilst simultaneously reaping a devilish 5% yield upon their USDh collateral. Ah, what marvels the modern world yields!

Velar’s PerpDEX: Where Bitcoin Traders Earn 5% Yield and Chuckle at Fate’s Irony

As if plucked from one of Gogol’s own reveries, an official proclamation from Hermetica declares that they have set in motion their alliance with Velar—a DeFi sorcerer working upon the mystic grounds of BTC L2 Stacks. Now, every unsuspecting trader who dares to engage in the PerpDex dance finds themselves blessed with a merry 5% yield in USDh whilst venturing amidst the labyrinthine futures of Bitcoin.

The USDh purchase button is astonishingly simple.

With but a solitary click, you transform into a respectable, yield-earning noble—who would have imagined such levity in the realm of finance?

Use wisely… or with reckless abandon. After all, do we not all delight in a touch of mischief? 🟧💰

— Hermetica (@HermeticaFi) April 10, 2025

Velar PerpDex, that cunning marketplace of leveraged futures on Bitcoin layer-2 networks such as Stacks, now presents an opportunity as fanciful as any satire: the chance for asset multiplication while dabbling in the great game of BTC trading.

Like a magical windfall delivered weekly, the USDh yield drips into the pockets of sagacious traders, blending the art of leveraged Bitcoin futures with a hint of passive income—a pleasure both bizarre and delightful.

Jakob Schillinger, the esteemed CEO of Hermetica, heralds the dawn of this peculiar collaboration with the gusto of a drunken raconteur:

“USDh is the singular stablecoin to beckon the Bitcoin trader, granting them the audacity to earn yield whilst gallantly riding the long waves of Bitcoin. With a 5% yield on collateral, we unveil a novel chapter in Bitcoin-native finance—a spectacle never witnessed in the chronicles of DeFi.”

Thus, the advent of USDh yield on Velar PerpDex bestows upon the denizens of this digital bazaar a boon: enhanced capital efficiency, permitting the complete cultivation of collateral to summon additional returns, and thereby broadening the horizons of Bitcoin’s ever-expanding DeFi carnival.

Further Adventures in the Bitcoin Comedy Club

Mithil Thakore, the illustrious CEO of Velar, greets this collaboration with exuberance and invites all cryptocurrency enthusiasts to partake in the delights and oddities of Bitcoin DeFi:

“By launching the first Bitcoin-native PerpDEX with the sBTC/USDh pair, we have taken an enormous leap into the fantastic. With USDh, our traders not only savor a new form of leveraged trading but also secure a 5% yield on their collateral—a feat as revolutionary as it is whimsically absurd.”

Henceforth, Hermetica’s USDh claims its rightful place as the premier Bitcoin-backed, yield-bearing synthetic dollar, empowering Bitcoiners to earn an annual bounty on their stablecoins while cavorting through the realms of Bitcoin DeFi.

In this grand theater of modern finance, thanks to its union with Velar, traders on Velar PerpDex may boldly assume long or short positions on BTC, all the while amused by the ironies of earning yield on their steadfast collateral.

And so, like a trusty narratorial refrain in one of Gogol’s satirical epics, USDh stands as a symbol—a stablecoin underpinned by the impregnable fortress of BTC, native to the most secure blockchain known to digital commerce. Oh, what splendid absurdity!

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2025-04-10 17:53