In a turn of events that would make even the most jaded observer raise an eyebrow, Coinbase’s Base network has overtaken Solana [SOL] in daily token launches. And not just by a whisker—by a landslide! Since the fateful days of late July, the shift has been as relentless as a Tolstoy novel, with no signs of abating.
Well, butter my biscuit, the Nasdaq-listed blockchain outfit BTCS has gone and done it. They’ve filed a $2 billion shelf registration with the SEC, a move so bold it’d make a cannery worker blush. 🦀 This little piece of paperwork lets them raise capital over three years by slinging stocks, bonds, or warrants faster than a turtle can say “Grapes of Wrath.” Now, they ain’t said what they’ll spend it on, but word on the street is they’re fixin’ to hoard more Ethereum (ETH) like it’s the last can of peaches in winter. 🍑
Now, this paper—oh, what a masterpiece it was supposed to be! Titled the White House Crypto Report, it was released with pomp by the President’s Working Group on Digital Assets. Expect grand words and visions of America becoming the crypto capital of the universe. The White House even declared, “Together we will make the U.S. the crypto capital of the world,” like they were announcing the next Olympic event. Spoiler: nobody got the memo. 🏛️
Ripple, CB Insights, and the UK Centre for Blockchain Technologies have concocted a magical potion of a report, released on July 30, that delves into how traditional finance is throwing its hat into the blockchain ring. This spellbinding document, titled “Banking on Digital Assets,” tracks 345 investments made by global banks between 2020 and 2024, including 33 funding rounds that would make Scrooge McDuck blush, each exceeding $100 million. 🤑
Chairman Michael Saylor, ever the showman, took to X to announce their latest acquisition: 21,021 BTC at an average price of $117,256 per token. One must commend their flair for financial jargon—turning an IPO into a “Variable Rate Series A Perpetual Stretch Preferred Stock (STRC)” is nothing short of poetic. 🎭📈
Coinbase, America’s largest crypto exchange (and possibly its most self-important), has graciously announced the arrival of nano XRP and nano SOL perpetual futures. These shiny new products will descend upon traders like manna from the blockchain heavens—or so they’d have you believe. The stated aim? To swell the ranks of regulated crypto derivatives offerings, because apparently, there weren’t enough ways to lose money already.
This downturn? A masterclass in crypto theater. Whales have quit their seats in the orchestra, and tokens are filing into exchanges like guests at a tax audit. Profit-taking, they call it. A fancy way of saying “sell-offs and sighs.”
Let’s break this down. Sellers using local crypto exchanges will now pay 0.21%, which doesn’t sound like much until you realize how many trades happen every second. Meanwhile, overseas traders are staring at a whopping 1% tax. Oof. The government did toss buyers a bone by eliminating value-added tax (VAT), but don’t get too excited—crypto miners are getting double-whammied with VAT jumping from 1.1% to 2.2%. And starting in 2026? Forget about that sweet 0.1% income tax rate; miners are back to paying standard rates like everyone else. Finance Minister Sri Mulyani Indrawati says it’s all about “legal certainty.” Sure, lady, if by “certainty,” you mean “pain.” 😬
O, the noble government, ever vigilant in its quest to extract every last coin from the pockets of the unsuspecting citizens! With crypto’s popularity soaring, they’ve deemed it prudent to impose a 0.21% tax on domestic sellers and a hefty 1% on those who dare trade abroad. How generous of them! 🕵️♂️
Picture it: July 30, an ordinary Wednesday afternoon—or so we thought. Suddenly, fifty wallets, all born between June 10 and July 31, 2017, began to dance in eerie synchrony. According to btcparser.com, these addresses transferred their contents as if rehearsed by some unseen conductor. Was it divine intervention? Or just another Tuesday in the life of crypto chaos?
