Investment Policy

The esteemed or perhaps simply indefatigable economists, hunched over their ever-dwindling stacks of economic reports, now muse there’s slightly more than a 50% chance—ah, the precision of modern prophecy!—that the Federal Reserve will cut interest rates at its September powwow. Previously they thought December, but who among us can keep track of the opinions that flutter through the corridors of finance like lost pigeons? 🐦

Today, for reasons that likely make sense if you’ve spent at least nine months living under a rock embroidered with “Web3,” SHIB’s burn rate rocketed skywards in, frankly, alarming fashion. A beastly mountain of meme coins was hurled into “inferno wallets”—places so remote and final they make Siberian winter look welcoming. Yet, despite these herculean efforts, SHIB supply continues to loom over the crypto landscape—a number so prodigious you’d need a whiteboard and several nervous breakdowns to count it: a paltry 589,248,746,682,927 SHIB remain. Or, as mathematicians call it: “a lot.”

Ah, stablecoins! Those steadfast companions of the noble investor. When capital hunkers down in these safe havens—idly waiting, one might say—what’s the obvious implication? Investors, ever the opportunists, seem to be gearing up to dive headfirst into the thrilling arenas of altcoins. 🤑

Bitcoin: hovering as lazily as a crocodile after a Sunday roast at $108,600 — and changing less than Grandpa Joe changes socks. The wider CoinDesk 20 (CD20) index, meanwhile, crept up 1.8%, showing the sort of indifference you’d expect from a hedgehog at a porcupine convention. Tariff threats from President Trump? Yawn. Crypto markets rolled over and went back to napping. 💤

In a prediction that could be straight out of a dystopian novel, Livingston warns that the corporate rush to hoard Bitcoin is creating a demand shock of such magnitude that it could propel BTC into uncharted territories, forcing a seismic shift in the global financial landscape. One can almost hear the echoes of the past, the whispers of the fall of empires, as the world stands on the brink of a new era.

CEO Simon Gerovich, who apparently believes he’s Willy Wonka handing out golden tickets (but instead of chocolate, it’s blockchain), calls this market a “bitcoin gold rush.” Their wish list? Take Metaplanet’s already impressive pile of 15,555 bitcoins, and inflate it to 210,000 by 2027. That’s 1% of all bitcoin… ever. No small potatoes—more like a whole Idaho harvest. Gerovich keeps talking about “escape velocity,” which sounds like something you shout before launching a rocket—or, apparently, a financial plan. 🚀

With this integration, Galaxy’s staking services are now natively accessible to the more than 2,000 of the world’s largest financial institutions that use Fireblocks to stake digital assets directly from their Fireblocks custody vaults. 🏦

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According to an indictment that came to light this Monday, these two clever clogs launched their dodgy platform, OmegaPro, in 2019, promising jaw-dropping returns of up to 300% in just 16 months. Can you believe it? They said that top-secret elite traders were working their magic in the foreign exchange markets. 🤑 Spoiler alert: The only thing they were trading was trust, and they were selling it for a very steep price!