Investment Policy

On Wednesday, Financial Services Chairman French Hill, Agriculture Chairman GT Thompson, and the rest of the House Leadership emerged from their natural habitat (a committee meeting, like a very beige safari) to say they’d be transforming America into a global crypto powerhouse. Don’t worry—this all comes after years and years of “dedicated” congressional work, which as we know, is typically spent learning how to mute/unmute on Zoom.

But fear not, dear reader, for our beloved Matt Hougan, chief investment officer at Bitwise, has a solution for us: Buy Bitcoin! Yes, you heard that right. The cryptocurrency that has been the talk of the town for years now is apparently the answer to all our problems.

According to the venerable Bitcoin historian Pete Rizzo, our hero “beat incredible odds” to mine an entire block. We’re talking 1 in 2,800 chance of solving a block every day, or once every 8 years on average. That’s like finding a needle in a haystack, or a decent Wi-Fi signal in a Moscow café. 📊

With the speed at which new crypto platforms breed (faster than bunnies on blockchain), even seasoned internet dwellers struggle to tell whether they’re looking at a portal to digital riches or the online equivalent of a sign that says “FREE PUPPIES” but leads directly to an angry wasp nest.

According to a report from cybersecurity firm Koi Security, more than 40 fake Firefox browser extensions have been discovered, masquerading as popular crypto wallet tools. These devious add-ons are designed to closely mimic legitimate applications from well-known platforms like MetaMask, Coinbase, Phantom, Trust Wallet, Exodus, OKX, and others.

The ADA/ETH chart’s been sledding downhill since April. By now, the ratio’s wheezing just like it was before election season—back when folks still believed politicians kept promises and crypto never crashed. ETH strutted out of Q2 with a peppy +36%, but ADA? ADA packed its bags, wrote home, and closed a miserable -13%.  

Now, let’s talk numbers, shall we? Behold, the LTC price at a dazzling $88.35! (Don’t be fooled, it’s much higher now—fancy that!) And in case you’re wondering how volatile things have been, let me hit you with a tiny surprise: it’s a meager 1.3% in the last 24 hours. A real rollercoaster, no? 🎢

Lawmakers are finally waking up to the fact that outdated financial frameworks are holding back digital innovation and practical crypto usage in everyday commerce. U.S. Senator Cynthia Lummis (R-WY) is leading the charge with a new digital asset tax bill designed to modernize the federal tax code in favor of crypto users and businesses. Lummis declared:

BONK BONK $0.000017 price climbs from $0.00001348 to $0.00001750 on July 3 before consolidating near $0.00001613. The move confirms a breakout from a descending trendline that capped price action for weeks, marking a shift toward bullish control. 🎉