Investment Policy

Bitcoin, the old czar of reserves, has long been the jewel in the crown. Yet do you not feel it? The rising, creeping ambition of Ethereum, gnawing away at the throne? On the mournful eve of June 19, the tally of institutional ETH reserves slithered up to 1.190 million—a sum that would buy many a soul or at least several nice dinner parties in St. Petersburg. Nearly $3 billion. More than 1% of the entire supply! Dostoevsky’s Raskolnikov surely would’ve had opinions about property crime in such an era…

CRVAA does not simply regulate. It surveils. It ponders. It yearns to transform unregulated digital chaos into order—a noble dream so tragic, one could weep (or at least LOL).

Crypto companies seeking the fabled “license” must confess all, for secrecy is now as outdated as an unbacked fiat currency. There is talk of anti-money laundering, cybersecurity—one wonders if Dostoevsky’s underground man could pass these checks, or if he’d simply become the world’s quirkiest NFT.

Israel, in a display of military fervor, has vowed to intensify its strikes against Iran, as the conflict trudges into its seventh day. Naturally, this geopolitical tempest did wonders for Bitcoin’s mood, making it plummet faster than a lead balloon. It has since decided to do absolutely nothing, tethering itself to the $104K mark like it’s afraid to leave its comfy spot.

“WIF these levels need to hold here or it’s to the gulag for many of these shitcoins. Scary situation and many of these do have bearish market structures on the lower time frames.”

The system permits Binance users to identify emergency contacts—no, not your favorite barista, actual heirs—capable of invoking the claim. Verifying one’s demise (bring a death certificate, not a telegram from Yalta) allows these lucky inheritors to access the shimmering digital vault. The function works with only the choicest of cryptocurrencies (Bitcoin, Ethereum, Binance Coin)—sorry, Dogecoin hodlers, maybe next afterlife.

New data reveals a brutal -$36 billion cumulative buy/sell volume gap for altcoins (excluding BTC and ETH) over the past year. It’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck—liquidity is bleeding out faster than my will to go to the gym! 🏋️‍♀️

Durov, the debonair tech baron, has now, through judicious deployment of legal wrangling and persistence that would make a woodpecker envious, won the court’s nod to desert the Gallic utopia for up to 14 days. Destination: Dubai, land of shiny skyscrapers, bottomless brunches, and Telegram HQ.

Not just for tweets and cat videos anymore, X will soon let users make investments or trade stocks. Yes, you read that right—soon, you could be making money moves while reading about the latest celebrity drama. Can’t wait for those market predictions alongside memes, eh?