PayPal Adds Chainlink And Solana To Its US Cryptocurrency Service

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🤯PayPal & Crypto?! What Happens Next Will SHOCK You!🤯

Ah, PayPal. That leviathan of payment, that colossus of commerce… it stirs again, doesn’t it? Like a restless, slumbering beast awakening to the siren song of cryptocurrency. They say they have announced the addition of Chainlink (LINK) and Solana (SOL) to their… *offerings*. Offerings! As if these digital trinkets were some sort of charitable donation. 🙄 But no, it’s greed, plain and simple, masked as… *accessibility*.

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PayPal Expands Crypto Offering With SOL and LINK

According to a *press release*. A press release! As if the world were holding its breath, waiting for the pronouncements of this digital deity. They have confirmed the addition of Chainlink and Solana. Signaling increased confidence in Web 3 solutions, they say. Confidence? Or desperation? 🤔 Perhaps a little of both. Web 3. Such a grandiose term for what is essentially a digital echo chamber.

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And this beneficence extends to Venmo! Yes, even Venmo, that digital playground for millennials and their… *transactions*. They will be able to purchase, hold, transfer, and sell both SOL and LINK. As if they had any idea what they were doing. Sheep to the slaughter, I say! 🐑

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May Zabaneh, Paypal’s VP for Digital Currencies… VP! A title fit for a tsar! She revealed that expanding its cryptocurrency offerings was an obvious choice. Obvious! As obvious as the sun rising in the east, or a politician’s penchant for lies. Feedback from users, she claims. Always the users. The great unwashed masses, clamoring for digital baubles. 🤡

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“Offering more tokens on PayPal and Venmo provides users with greater flexibility, choice, and access to digital currencies,” said Zabaneh. Flexibility! Choice! Access! Empty words, I tell you! Empty words designed to lull the unsuspecting into a false sense of security.

With the addition of SOL and LINK, PayPal now supports seven cryptocurrencies. Seven! A veritable legion of digital devils! They started with Bitcoin and Ethereum, those titans of the digital realm. And then Litecoin and Bitcoin Cash. And now this… stablecoin. PayPal USD. A stablecoin! As if anything in this digital wilderness could ever be truly stable. 😂

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Institutional adoption for SOL is rising, they say. Polymarket is integrating Solana. BlackRock’s BUIDL has launched on Solana. Institutional adoption! The kiss of death, I tell you! The moment these titans of finance sink their claws in, the soul is lost.

Why Did The Payment Giant Choose SOL and LINK?

Their inherent capabilities, they claim. Massive adoption figures! Chainlink as a key player in cross-chain interoperability. Solana as a “leading blockchain platform.” Such flowery language! Such blatant propaganda! It’s enough to make a man weep… or perhaps just laugh hysterically. 🤣

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Both SOL and LINK are in the top 11 cryptocurrencies by market capitalization. A combined valuation of over $80 billion. Chainlink’s ADGM partnership to build tokenization frameworks in the UAE. The UAE! Another playground for the wealthy and the corrupt.

Furthermore, the company says the decision underscores the company’s cryptocurrency-facing ambitions. Ambitions! The ambition to conquer, to control, to dominate! PYUSD has its sights on challenging USDT and USDC dominance. PayPal neck-deep in cryptocurrencies. Soon, they’ll be drowning in them. 😈

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“The addition of LINK and SOL reflects the company’s dedication to the evolving digital currency landscape and fostering greater accessibility and engagement in the cryptocurrency market,” read the statement. Dedication! Accessibility! Engagement! More empty words, swirling in the digital void.

Both SOL and LINK have reacted positively to the announcement. Rising 5.42% and 1.37 respectively. A fleeting moment of triumph, before the inevitable crash. Such is the nature of the beast. 😔

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2025-04-05 04:10