Penny’s Death Sentence: Congress Wants Your Loose Change to Finally Move On

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America is on the brink of breaking up with the penny — and honestly, it’s about time. The ‘Common Cents’ Act, served up hot by politicians on both sides of the aisle (a rare unicorn moment), wants to pull the plug on the feeble copper minnow that costs more to make than it’s actually worth. Yes, Representatives Lisa McClain, Robert Garcia, and Senators Cynthia Lummis with Kirsten Gillibrand are headlining this drama.

Common Cents Act Gets Introduced to Stop Penny Production

Plot twist: Congress is considering ghosting the penny. Why? Turns out, making the thing is like buying designer avocado toast just to throw it immediately in the bin. You can almost hear someone shouting, “Would someone just please think of the accountants?” Enter the ‘Common Cents Act,’ starring those lawmakers who just love a good promo about fiscal responsibility and desperately want us all to stop hoarding those sad, sticky coins at the bottom of our bags.

If this thing passes, the Treasury Secretary gets to live out their best Marie Kondo fantasy and end one-cent coin production (except, of course, for the collectors who want to cling to their pennies like emotional support tokens — as long as they cough up more than what it cost to make, enjoy your expensive nostalgia!).

And here’s a twist with international chic: everyone’s cash payments would be rounded to the nearest five cents. This is apparently what all the cool countries are doing, which makes me worried for the future of exact change psychos everywhere. 🤑

If you’re thinking, “Surely, there’s a logical explanation for minting money that’s worth less than the money you spent making the money,” Senator Lummis comes in clutch, basically roasting the U.S. Mint for spending three cents per one-cent coin. Three for the price of one — who knew the Mint was into avant-garde performance art? With the national debt looking like your most stressful spreadsheet, I guess something had to give. “It just makes cents!” She actually said that. Someone, please send help.

Then there’s the Trump cameo: In February, he dramatically declared the penny’s life over, assessing the century-old coin’s vibe as “wasteful.” Unfortunately for him, even former presidents can’t just fire U.S. currency. Congress is still the one holding the purse strings (and apparently, the tiny coins).

Oh, and analysts are popping popcorn for round two — will the nickel be next to get ghosted? Stay tuned. I, for one, am ready to throw my change jar out the window. 🪙😂

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2025-05-02 13:00