Oy vey! So, Jerome Powell, that meshuggeh from the Fed, hinted at maybe, *maybe*, cutting interest rates in September. Like, a tiny little snip! A minuscule reduction! But a reduction nonetheless.
And now? Now the U.S. jobs market is weaker than my Aunt Mildred after a bingo tournament. They’re saying TWO rate cuts in 2025?! Two! Can you believe it? It’s a financial fandango! šŗ
For the first time sinceā¦ well, a long time ago, there are MORE people looking for work (7.24 million!) than jobs available (7.18 million!). It’s like a bad vaudeville act! A real catastrophe!
And these “experts” at the Kobeissi Letter? They say they messed up the June job numbers… twice! Suddenly, 13,000 jobs disappeared! Poof! Gone! Like a magician’s rabbit, only less impressive. August? Pathetic. Only 22,000 jobs added! 22,000! My grandmother created more jobs knitting sweaters!
So naturally, the banks are panicking. They’re changing their tunes faster than a Borscht Belt comedian. They’re now expecting 50 to 75 basis points cut! Oy gevalt!
Read on, you beautiful people, and I’ll tell ya what these banks are yapping about, what it means for the crypto world, and, most importantly, which cryptos you should be snatching up before they disappear! š
Banksā Rate Cut Prediction
Bank of America? They were saying “no cuts!” for 2025! Chutzpah! But now? A complete 180! Two little cuts, 25 basis points each, in September and December. Talk about a U-turn!
Goldman Sachs? They’re going wild! Three cuts in 2025, two more next year?! These guys are predicting the apocalypse! Or, you know, a good time for crypto… same difference. š¤·
Citigroup’s jumping on the bandwagon too – three cuts, they say. And according to those number crunchers at CME Group, almost 90% of the market thinks there’ll be a cut in September. Ninety percent! Thatās more people agreeing than at a Catskills resort!
Now, rate cuts? That’s good news for crypto! Things get cheaper, people get greedy, the dollar whimpers, and money comes flooding in. It’s like throwing chum into shark-infested waters! š¦
If you’re thinking about building a crypto portfolio, now’s the time! Don’t be a schmuck! Here are a few altcoins worth a look…
1. Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER) – Turbocharging Bitcoin with Fast Speeds, Low Fees & Web3 Compatibility
Bitcoin Hyper? This thing claims it’s gonna make Bitcoin… faster? With *lower* fees? Next they’ll tell me they found a way to make borscht healthy! Itās building a Layer 2 solution, like a special express lane for transactions. A fast lane! On the Bitcoin highway!
It locks up your Bitcoin and mints tokens. It’s complicated! Don’t ask me, I’m a comedian, not a rocket scientist! But it lets you use these fancy Web3 apps. DeFi, NFTs, the whole shebang.
They’re saying this thing could hit $0.32 by the end of 2025! A whopping 2,400% gain! From a measly $0.012875 per token. It’s a steal! I tell ya, a STEAL! And they’ve already raised over $14.33 million. People are throwing money at this thing! Donāt be left out!
Visit Bitcoin Hyperās official website for moreĀ information.
2. SUBBD Token ($SUBBD) – Revolutionizing the $85B Online Content Industry
SUBBD? This is a platform for creators, with AI help. Artificial intelligence! Doing stuff! Creating content! Itās like science fiction! It helps creators make stuff without actually…creating stuff. Itāsā¦ efficient!
The token, $SUBBD, gets you discounts, early access, and even voting rights. Voting rights! On a crypto platform! What could possibly go wrong?
And if you stake it, you get 20% APY! Fixed! Twenty percent! Thatās more than my Uncle Leo gets from his Social Security! Plus, you get livestreams and “BTS drops.” Whatever those are. š¤·āāļø
They’re predicting a 750% gain by 2026! From $100 to $850! Am I dreaming? Pinch me! š« Currently in presale, with tokens at $0.056375.
Visit SUBBD Tokenās official website for moreĀ information.
3. MemeCore ($M) – Viral New Altcoin Changing the Meme Coin Space
Meme coins! The bane of my existence! But this oneā¦ this one claims to be *different*. It’s got a “Proof of Meme” thingy. You get rewarded forā¦ memes? This is madness! But it’s *profitable* madness!
It’s up 196% in the last seven days! 196%! It’s trading around $1.90! This isā¦ seriously? People are actually buying this? Oy!
Conclusion
So, the Fed might cut rates. The banks are flip-flopping faster than a flounder. And crypto is buzzing like a beehive. Get in on it! šø š But rememberā¦ nobody asked me for financial advice. I just tell jokes. And occasionally, I sell slightly-used toupees.
Invest at your own risk! You have been warned!
Authored by Krishi Chowdhary, Bitcoinist – https://bitcoinist.com/best-crypto-to-buy-bankng-giants-predict-two-rate-cuts-2025
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2025-09-07 19:20