Russia’s crypto elites to get liquidity support — Is Sberbank brewing a financial scandal? 🚨

Ah, Russia! Land of surprises, where even the mighty Sberbank, known for its stodgy banking habits, is now tiptoeing into the wild world of cryptocurrencies. Imagine the scene: a grand old bank preparing to support the crypto playground for the elite, like a benevolent tsar handing out candies to the chosen few. 🤡

Yes, dear reader, Sberbank—yes, that giant who used to think a sure thing was a horse and buggy—is now ready to be a “market maker” and “liquidity provider” for the newest fancy regulated crypto platforms. Think of it as giving a splash of vodka to a baby: daring, controversial, full of potential chaos.

Alexander Zozulya, the brave soul at Sberbank responsible for global markets, assures us that the bank will be present in this brave new world, where only the crème de la crème—the investors with more rubles than they know what to do with—will be allowed to dance with digital currencies directly. Because nothing says “security” like a sandbox, right? Why play in the sandbox when you can build castles with millions of rubles? 🏰

Meanwhile, the mighty head of the central bank, Elvira Nabiullina, echoes like a wise old owl, saying that investing directly in cryptocurrencies will require new regulations. Oh, how sweet! As if regulations are just some fairy dust that magically appear. Only investors with over 100 million rubles—or nearly a million dollars—can join this exclusive cryptocurrency party, while the rest are left peering through the keyhole, dreaming of the crypto paradise.

Not to worry! Sberbank plans to offer “crypto-linked” investment products—because what could possibly go wrong? Structured products, digital assets, or mutual funds that expose you to Bitcoin or Ethereum but keep your hands clean. No direct ownership, just like a good old-fashioned Russian matryoshka—layers upon layers of mystery and mischief. 🎭

And so, with infrastructure already “ready,” Russia is on the verge of opening a “new world” of investing—assuming, of course, that the laws and regulators don’t have a sudden change of heart or a good laugh. The new instruments? Just a step away! Or so they say, while the rest of us wonder what strange brew the bureaucrats are cooking now. 🍲

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2025-05-27 10:44