Jack Dorsey’s beloved financial Frankenstein, Block Inc., is gearing up to turn Square into a Bitcoin playground by 2026. Yes, really. Because what’s more fun than mixing payments and cryptocurrency? Nothing, obviously. 🌟
It was all unveiled at the Bitcoin 2025 shindig in Las Vegas on May 27, where Block demonstrated their shiny new toy at the BTC Inc. merchandise store—because nothing says ‘serious finance’ like flashing Bitcoin scooters and merch. 🎉
Here’s the scoop: merchants will be able to accept Bitcoin via the existing Square hardware—no need to throw out the old stuff—using the Lightning Network, Bitcoin’s speed-demon layer-2 network. Fast, cheap, and possibly magical? Sounds like it. ⚡
“Merchants can choose to hold onto their Bitcoin or convert it instantly to boring old fiat,” Dorsey yapped on X, probably while sipping a rare herbal tea. Ah, the joys of tech overlords. ☕
Expect this fabulous feature to start rolling out in the second half of 2025, reaching all the unlucky Square sellers by 2026—assuming regulators don’t have a fit, of course. Because nothing says ‘fun’ like government red tape. 🌀
This new venture builds on Square’s existing Bitcoin Conversions feature—which, let’s be honest, is basically a fancy way of saying “was just waiting for the right moment to leap into crypto chaos.” Now, paying is as easy as scanning a QR code while Square’s magic tech handles the messy bits behind the scenes. Fast settlements, no sweat. 🚀
“This is about giving merchants options—because who doesn’t love a good financial identity crisis?” said Block’s Bitcoin Product Lead Miles Suter, most likely with a mischievous grin.
Meanwhile, in a move that is definitely not desperation, Square’s adding new privacy and security features to its self-custody BTC wallet Bitkey—think of it as a digital vault, but without all the boring seed phrases. Because who needs those? Not us, apparently. 🔒
Stake n’ Shake: Burgers, Fees, and Bitcoin Get Cozy
And in the fast-food world, Dan Edwards from Stake n’ Shake came on stage as if he’d just discovered the secret to eternal youth—by announcing they halved their Bitcoin payment processing fees. Yes, you read that right. Burgers and Bitcoin, baby. 🍔💸
STEAK ‘N SHAKE CEO SAYS PEOPLE CAN NOW “PAY FOR YOUR FRANCHISE USING #BITCOIN”
WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE 🚀
— The Bitcoin Conference (@TheBitcoinConf) May 27, 2025
He claimed Bitcoin is faster than credit cards (which is impressive, considering most of us struggle with Wi-Fi), and their fees have plummeted by about 50%—meaning everyone gets to about double the fries for the same amount of Bitcoin. 🎉
“This means Bitcoin is a win for the customer, a win for us, the merchant, and a win for you in the Bitcoin community.”
Just a few weeks ago, Stake n’ Shake announced it’d be accepting Bitcoin at all outlets globally from May 16, because why not turn fast food into fast-to-moon assets? 🍟🚀
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2025-05-28 06:40