Stocks, Tariffs, and a Side of Panic: Wall Street’s Friday Fiasco!

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On a picturesque Friday, the U.S. stock market decided to open lower—a delightful surprise, considering it had just gotten a caffeine boost from futures that flew high before crashing down like my aunt after a couple of margaritas. Wall Street banks were releasing their Q1 earnings, reminding everyone that money doesn’t grow on trees, especially when tariffs are involved.

The S&P 500 took a dip of 0.44%, while the Nasdaq opted for a mere 0.2% fall—clearly in a less dramatic mood. But hold onto your hats, folks! As buyers swooped in, the indices decided they wanted to flirt with the green again. If this week is any lesson, it’s that predicting the market is about as reliable as my New Year’s resolutions.

As we inch toward the end of a week brimming with volatility, the Dow Jones Industrial Average experienced a meltdown, shedding nearly 400 points faster than I shed promises of healthy eating during the holidays. The drop coincided perfectly with news that China, in a move that could only be described as a game of tariff chicken, raised duties on U.S. imports to a whopping 125%. We’re currently at a 145% tariff on China, which is like saying, “I believe in fair trade, but only if it involves piñatas and unicorns.”

Beijing has, however, graciously decided not to escalate these duties beyond 125%—those will hit us harder than my mother’s judgment on my life choices, effective Saturday, April 12, 2025. Kate Moore, Citi’s chief investment officer, told CNBC’s Squawk Box that this can only mean one thing: “I want to believe that (futures) are modestly up because they think they’re going to see decent numbers coming out of the banks today.” A classic case of hope over experience.

“I want to believe that (futures) are modestly up because they think they’re going to see decent numbers coming out of the banks that report today,” says Citi’s Kate Moore.

— Squawk Box (@SquawkCNBC) April 11, 2025

Meanwhile, stocks are feeling the pinch from those darn tariffs, despite it being earnings season, which should feel like a win. JPMorgan, Wells Fargo, and BlackRock reported before the bell rang, showcasing profits that could make anyone green with envy—especially my old college roommate, who is still trying to sell Tupperware.

The star of the show, JPMorgan, reported a net income of $14.6 billion, with earnings per share of $5.07 for Q1. I know, it’s a staggering amount, yet I still feel like I’m being personally victimized by the price of coffee.

Despite the discomfort from tariffs, the market had to digest the March producer price index (PPI) data, which revealed a drop, because who doesn’t love a good twist in economic data? PPI fell by 0.4%, allowing me to feel slightly better about my own financial mismanagement.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, March also brought us a year-over-year PPI nudged at 2.7%, just below the consensus of 3.3%—which sounds like something I’d say during a failed attempt at dinner conversation. A day earlier, CPI data attempted to seize the spotlight but was overshadowed by tariff jitters, like the time I tried to outshine my sister’s wedding.

Even with falling stocks, the S&P 500 still seems poised for a green weekly candle. Most of the gains erupted after Trump’s blessed 90-day tariffs pause. Yet, let’s be real; the uncertainty in this market is sticking around like a bad smell unless something extraordinary happens. With the 10-year Treasury yield climbing above 4.41% and the dollar index taking a nosedive, investors are flocking to gold like it’s the last cookie at a family reunion. The precious metal soared to an all-time high above $3,200, proving once again that old adage: when in doubt, go for the bling!

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2025-04-11 17:09